Archive for January 6, 2012

What it is to be powerless.

Last time I posted I said I felt empowered, yet I still believe I am powerless.

Definition of:


1: devoid of strength or resources <powerless victims>

2: lacking the authority or capacity to act <was powerless to help>


To equip or supply with an ability

So, am I Powerless over alcohol?  Yes!  Can I still feel empowered? Yes!

To me being empowered means that I have the ability to take on each day, one day at a time.  Some times its one hour at a time, or one minute at a time.   I find myself saying, “let go, let God” a lot.  I have to let go, have to realize that I don’t need all the answers, I don’t have to be right all the time and I don’t need to be in control of every one.  I can only control myself, my actions and my reactions.  I am still going to hurt, I am still going to get angry and I will still have alcohol try to work its way into my life. I take a piece of chalk and draw a circle on the ground then stand in that circle.  Now, what is in that circle I have control over, what is outside I do not and I shouldn’t try to.  All we can ask of our selves is to take control of us, that’s it.  I cannot control the sun, the moon, the stars…and we surely cannot control our alcoholic.  They need their own recovery plan with the 12 steps.  We cannot work it for them, we cannot make them and we cannot change them.  They must be willing to change themselves, seek help on their own and own up to their own addiction.  Its step one, I admitted I was powerless over alcohol.

It seems I really do have some readers.  I had two comments from people I don’t even know and a few of my polls have at least 1 answer on them.  I am feeling fantastic, empowered, ready to take on the day and ready to work on the Al-anon steps.  I must take them one at a time.  There is no way to do this all at once.  ok – so here we go!!

Step 1 – We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

What word stands out to you?  The word that stands out to me is Powerless.  “what do you mean I am powerless, I can take on the world.”  This was what I thought when I looked over the steps the first time.  My husband had been in AA for about 3 months and I was not interested in going to any meetings or learning about why he drank and blah blah blah – well boy oh boy was I in for a surprise.  I was sitting there in his AA meeting listening to all the stories and what was being read from The Big Book.  Then like a knowlage baseball bat hit me in the head, my light bulb went off.  Oh my God, this was also about me!  I had just as bad of an issue with the alcohol as he did.  I was powerless over the alcohol.  I could not stop him from drinking, I could pour it out but he would just go get more.  I could yell, scream and beg – but he would go right back to it cause now he was upset or angry.  Yes – I am powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable.  Now what do I do?  How do I move on from this point?  After hearing the stories in  my home group about how they all found step one I realized something, until you get step one, this will not really take hold into your brain.  Going through the motions and coming to meetings is helpful, but unless you admit it to yourself and your higher power, you will not get it.

I have a feeling that like the other poeple in my home group, the first three steps are gonna be my 1 -2 – 3 dance.

Think of it as the cha cha.  1, 2, ,3 cha cha cha… 1, 2, 3, admit, believe, decide.

This being the first month of the year I will be going over more about step one and admitting I am powerless.

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