behavioral self-blame – undeserved blame based on actions. Victims who experience behavioral self-blame feel that they should have done something differently, and therefore feel at fault.

I felt this a lot, like somehow I deserved what was happening to me.  I let it happen, but it was not my fault or something I deserved.  I know that a lot of you out there feel the same.  I hear it night after night in group or in the articles I read.  I used to think God was punishing me for something.  God doesn’t punish us, but he will tap you on the shoulder and say “Hey, you are not listening!”  It sometimes takes a few taps to get my attention.

My husband was such a good drinker, that he could make you feel bad for him and almost agree with him drinking.  He had a bad day at work – ok go have a drink.  His parents disowned him – ok go have a drink.  He would even get people to feel bad and join in with his drinking.  If anyone was cutting down or trying to stop he would succeed almost every-time to get them to drink with him.  Heck, he even got me to drink a few beers with him and I HATE the taste of beer.

If this sounds at all like what you have seen or gone through, never fear, you are not alone!  This is part of the alcoholic brain, they are able to get you to feel sorry for them or mad at them.  Either way they can use your emotion as a reason to give themselves permission to drink.  They give themselves permission to drink and get drunk cause of something someone else did, said or made them feel.