Looking through pictures of our past trips or gatherings we can see how much we changed.  Hubby and I have both lost a bunch of weight, we are more active and we eat so much better.  I have to get back into my Yoga and riding my stationary bike.  He looked at all the pictures and all he kept seeing was that almost were pictures where he had a beer in his hand or very close by.  At first he wanted me to delete all of them, but then he thought about it and would rather have the reminder of how bad it was so he can always remember not to go back.  I keep all my before pictures with my weight loss to remind myself of what I don’t want to go back to.  It’s not good to dwell on the past, but you do have to remember the mistakes you made so you know not to repeat them.  learn from them and move on.  One day at a time I am able to let go of another bad thing that happened in my past.  I can not live in fear and I will not allow my life to become unmanageable again.

The 12 steps have shown me that they are not just useful with the addiction, they are useful in most of my life situations.   At work I have to take a deep breath and either say the serenity prayer or “let go and let god”  I can not control the person on the other side of the phone, I can not make them understand me if they are unwilling to listen and I can only control my reaction to them.  They may frustrate me, they may even try to get me going even on purpose cause they are having a bad day and I sound too chipper, I have no idea.  All I know is that I stay calm, take care of their issue and if they hang up smiling or at least much calmer then I did all that I can do.

I am able to hear myself talk now and have to remember when I say something wrong, I can catch it and apologize for it right away.  My husband has gotten better with that, around me at least.  I am not sure how he is to others, but I do know that the way he is with me now is much, much different. We can talk and laugh or sit together and say nothing.  Even the silent moments are not awkward or strange.  I don’t feel like I have to talk to fill the time with chatter.  We can just enjoy being near one another.

This weekend He hits 7 months sober, I am so proud.  He can do this, and come June he gets his 1 year chip.  That day will be so freaking happy for us!  In December I get my 1 year Al-Anon chip and can not wait!  He teases me that I will always be 6 months behind him.  That’s fine with me, cause if I catch up to him that means he fell off the wagon.  I would rather just be 6 months behind him.  🙂

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