Archive for January 16, 2012

On the Ranch…

My Best Friend called me to tell me he had relapsed with his pain-killer addiction.  He lives in another state so its hard on me not to be able to be there for him.  But he entered a rehab program a few days after Christmas, I am so very proud of him.  He will be done with the in-house treatment program in about a week and I can not wait to talk to him.  I did hear from him for a bit on Saturday, he said he is doing very well and is getting the help he needs working through the 12 steps with NA and AA meetings.  He will continue to attend meetings once the in-house program is done.  I wished they were closer so we could all go to meetings together, but for now just the fact that he is healing is pure joy to me.  I have been staying in contact with his wife to make sure she is getting the support that she needs to heal from this as well.  He told me I was free to be able to post something about him, so that is why I have not shared this up until now.

There is nothing wrong with seeking help from a rehab center.  Sometimes you can not do this on your own.  They help you through the detox and then teach you the tools you will need to continue on your own.  Now, some places all they care about is the cash, but if you can find a good center that cares about the people not their bank account, well then you go yourself a very good place.  Others in AA and Al-Anon have different views on the treatment centers, but hey, what ever it takes to get better I say go for it.

I am going to see if he would be so kind as to write-up a few things to share with you about his time in treatment, his battle with the addiction.  I can only write from the Al-Anon side and bits from the AA side that I get from my husband.  But I would love to be able to also bring in the point of view from someone who suffers from the addiction.

So during the last episode of missing husband, we left off with me acting like a spoiled upset brat…

I was content with playing this women scorn bit.  I was bitter, angry, resentful and hurt.  Somehow he had to pay for what he had done to me, and I couldn’t see how much of a (excuse my foulness here) Bitch I was being.  No wonder my family had taken his side, he was the better of the two to deal with at the moment.  He had been sober for three months now and was on the mend, while I was still on the war path.  I remember sitting with him one night and he looked over at me and said something that snapped me out of my self pity party.  “You have become someone I wouldn’t even like to date right now.” He got up and walked back into the house.  I sat there for a while with smoke coming out of my ears.  (in reality it was from the fact I was chain smoking at this point)  How dare he say that to me, he has to make all this up to me.

At this point a legal separation had already been discussed, and things looked bleak.  So I did some soul-searching and found that we had no idea what it felt like to be in the others place.  He had thought that mine had been all sunshine and roses while he was out of the house, and to me he had a free ride at someone’s house.  So, I decided to take a trip back east to see a friend.  I would be gone for 6 days and we would both have time and space to think.  I had asked him to come back to the bed room a few nights before I left on my trip.  This was so we could spend more time together and the dogs would get used to him sleeping in the bed with them.  They had kinda got used to taking up half the bed by this time.

So, off I went on my trip to clear my head.  I had to go from AZ – LAX – DC – Boston.  When we got to DC the weather had gotten so bad that I ended up missing my flight to Boston and had to spend the next 12 hrs at the airport.  I survived on Coffee and donuts.  I did however make some very wonderful friends in the smoking room of the DC airport.  By the time I got to Boston I was ready to just come back home.  I was in the need of a shower, food and a bed.  What I got was a bathroom floor and being sick for two days.  I cut my trip short and came home 2 days early.  I had seen 5 airports in 4 days – If I fly again in the next 10 years it will be too soon.

Hubby had been so supportive while I was stuck in the air port, and then sick as a dog for the rest of the trip.  He had told me just to get a sooner flight home and he would be there at the air port.  Sure enough he was, even had a snack and a drink for me in the car.  I had gotten to see a bit of what he had gone through.  I was miles away from home, unable to get to any bed let alone my own bed.  I had no contact with anyone I loved other than by phone and surrounded by strangers.  That was a feeling I never wanted to have again.

He got to see a little of what I had to do.  I had to take the dogs out all by myself, feed them, get my lunch together and my own coffee.  i had to make dinner and eat it alone, and sleep all alone.  He said he see’s now why I was so upset about being left alone all the time.  We had seen eye to eye for the first time during all of this.  Two months from this point was when he was going to get his 6 month coin.  I had at that moment decided that I was going to go with him to get his 6 month chip.  Life started to get better and better.  But there was still a little monster of guilt and anger between us.

To be continued…

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