I read something in one of the daily readings that was about how a lady saw the refection of her hanging lamp in her glass coffee table.  She said the longer she looked at it the more the Ceiling looked like the floor and the hanging lamp looked like a floor lamp.  It hit her that maybe she was blinded by all the little nasty things her husband had done and was forgetting the good things.  I know how she feels, I would tell people only the good things my hubby would do for me.  They would tell me how sweet he sounds and how wonderful he must be.  And when he was doing those nice things he was wonderful!

The longer I sat there and thought of nothing but the darkness the more and more it seem that was all there was.  I no longer found the sweet things he did endearing, they were annoying or bothersome.  The nasty thing he did seems that much worse due to the fact that I am already only seeing the dark side of things.  I pulled back more and more, and he pushed towards being mean more and more.  I am sure that he had some misguided reflections as well.  For he no longer appreciated what I did around the house, I would make dinner and it was never what he wanted or not cooked the way he wanted it to be.  He missed the fact that I was willing to come home after a 9 hour day and cook and clean.  He never asked me to do his laundry or even said he was running low, he just assumed I would do it for him.  If I was a house wife, no problem, but I work just as long as he does everyday.  We needed to find a way to do things as a team, we had lost that partnership and were just sparing off each other.

Tomorrow is a new month, and the second month of the year so you know what that means…step 2!  I am very excited to start the next step.  It’s the next part of my cha-cha-cha dance.  1-2-3 cha-cha-cha, 1-2-3 admit believe decide.  So with the closing of the month, I pause to look inside myself.  Have I truly admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.  I know 100% that my life had become unmanageable and yes, I am powerless over alcohol.  I am not just saying it to make others happy or give false hope that I was getting it.  I truly believe that I am powerless over many things, especially alcohol.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

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