Archive for February 18, 2012

my guiding light…

Sponsor – wow, I have been thinking about this more and more.  Who, where, how, when?  Who should I ask? Where should I ask her? How do I even ask her? When is a good time?  I have a few Ladies in mind from my home group.  One is much older and has been in program for a very long time.  One is a bit older and has been in program for quite a while.  The other one is closer to my age and has been in for a few years – she is also in a similar field of work that I am.

The last one I mentioned was a new comer into my list of possible sponsors, it just came to my mind in the meeting before last.  *sigh* this is very hard for me, I am not sure why.  Oh wait, it’s called a fear of rejection.  I have had this all of my life.  I even asked a boy out at one point, and he said he would think about it.  I asked him when it was just the two of us, well later while he was around all his friends he made it a point to very loudly explain that there was no way in hell that he would ever date someone like me.  Kids can be so mean.  I never really went for anything on my own after that.  My parents were always shooting down what I asked for as well, so why bother wanting anything.

It was not until I met my hubby that I started to get up the courage to ask for things again.  I pursued him!  Even in my marriage I am usually shot down on my ideas, so I just stopped.  Do I still have dreams yes, do I tell people about them, not really.  I wanted to do so many thing in my life but was always told the reasons why I shouldn’t.  Then I got the guts up to go for the Tech support job at my work, and wow wouldn’t ya know I got it!  They have been the best four years of my working experience.  Had I gone for some of the other jobs I had been thinking about this one might not have been available to me so i am glad it worked out the way it did.  And I guess everything happens for a reason, I just sometimes wish it didn’t come with such negative reinforcements.

When bad things happen I have to remember its cause I was not on the path I should be.  I would love to have someone who has been in program and who has worked the step help me walk not so blindly into this sometimes scary new experience.  I had hopped that my husband would have had a sponsor as well, but I can not wait for him to do everything first, I have to do my recovery pan for me.  Cause its my recover plan so i have to work it for me.  i am not here for the alcoholic but because of the alcoholism.  I am here to fix me, I am here to get me better, I am here to make sure tat I can go through life with the tools I need to carry on.

I love my new-found life with my husband, I love that our recovery plans have brought us to this spot where we can talk to one another again.  I feel that to go further in the program, that i need to get a sponsor.  I hear people talk about how they call their sponsor everyday at a specific time, or every other day or they meet up and get coffee…..I would like that.  I would like someone to hold me responsible in my recovery to.  I would like someone to share my milestones with who has been there and understands the struggles.  I hope to one day be able to offer that to someone too.  I have to get through my steps before I can think of that.  I have to live it one day at a time – one step at a time.

so – all I can do is pray about it and ask my higher power to please help me choose a sponsor who will be right for me.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

He has 8 month down today – and I am so proud!  Next month is my belly button birthday and he will be getting his 9 month chip at that point – it will be an awesome month for us!  And remember – if you are celebrating a birthday and you like to share – please send it either in a comment or an email and we will get them posted to help you celebrate!!  (  Here is to sobriety – here is so serenity – and here is to us!

It works if you work it and your worth it!!!

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Becky's Bad Dates....

Why Did I Shave My Legs For This?!?!

Inside Kel's Kitchen

Love to eat, love to cook, and trying to keep it healthy!

Holly Brockwell

Writer, blogger, speaker

Hugh's Views & News  

A man with dyslexia writing about this and that and everything else!


Please follow my actual food blog at!


posting songs you should hear.

I Was A Foster Kid

About growing up in the foster care system

House of Kellen

Energy healing and Rune Reading

Homemade with Mess

who wants life to be tidy when you can have more fun making a mess??!

YARNutopia by Nadia Fuad

All things Yarn Related: Crochet, DIY, and Crafts

Chronic Pain Cockney - The Little Things

My name is Kindra and I live with Chiari and Intracranial Hypertension - my brain is broken. I post about being disabled & coping with chronic pain as well as beauty reviews and other randomness. Welcome!

Sleeping Geeks

All Things Geek

random rants ruminations ramblings

different times, different thoughts

Crochet with Raymond

The mad adventures of a lesbi@n hooker and her siamese cat!

Ray Ferrer - Emotion on Canvas

** OFFICIAL Site of Artist Ray Ferrer **

Smart Discount Shop

Discover all the creative and ingenious ways to save money !