This is a 5 part Post on Co-dependency.

Part 3 of 5

Avoidance patterns:

  • I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me.
  • I judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
  • I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance.
  • I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships.
  • I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
  • I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery.
  • I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
  • I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away.
  • I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than myself.
  • I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
  • I withhold expressions of appreciation.

I hated to cry in front of people, I was always told not to cry when I was growing up.  I can cry at the drop of a hat though.  I cry at TV commercials, songs on the radio, movies and books.  I cry when I talk about something that i am passionate about, I cry when I am happy, sad, angered and just plain upset.  My Migraines will make me cry and its more from frustration then pain sometimes.  As a child I would sometimes act out just to get attention.  My parents were always so busy with work or my sister, I would crave the attention – even if it was negative.  I would act out to get the attention, then tell everyone how mean they were to get yet more attention.

I think that some of that carried over into my marriage.  My husband had become so consumed by his drinking that he no longer cared to spend time with me.  I would do little things to set him off so at least I could justify why he was ignoring me with his anger.  All the while he was doing the same thing, he would find the smallest thing to be upset about so he could justify his anger and drinking.

To be continued…

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!