This is a 5 part Post on Co-dependency.

Part 5 of 5

Control patterns:

Codependency: The Game

Codependency: The Game (Photo credit: jasonEscapist)

  • I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
  • I attempt to convince others of what they “should” think and how they “truly” feel.
  • I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
  • I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
  • I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
  • I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
  • I have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.
  • I demand that my needs be met by others.
  • I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate.
  • I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others.
  • I refuse to co-operate, compromise, or negotiate.
  • I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
  • I have obsessive, compulsive thinking patterns and cannot focus on daily activities.
  • I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
  • I pretend to agree with others to get what I want.

This goes over most of what I have already talked about.  I didn’t trust others to take care of themselves, I didn’t trust them to take care of me and I wanted to be involved in everything.  I wanted full control but had a had time making decisions.  I wanted to think I had it all together and wanted others to see that too.  But when necessary to get what I wanted, I would use it to my advantage and use the sympathy card.  I would help my husband cover up with drinking to make sure others didn’t think bad of him.  I would take the blame for things vs letting him take the fall.  If he was too “under the weather” to go somewhere, I would just tell them I had a head ache.  Most the time that was not dar from the truth, I did so much while in pain that it had just become a normal state for me.

So in a way – while everyone just wants to be mad at the person with the addiction, it’s a family problem and a lot of us enable or are co-dependant and will never see the signs.  Or even if they do see them, they are unwilling to admit to them.  Remember – that is step one.  Admitting that we have a problem and that our lives had become unmanageable.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

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