We are fast approaching the end of February and I am ready for a new month and the next step.  Step two wasCame to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

Looking back I don’t think I touched on the Second tradition at all, so let me take some time to reflect on the second tradition. “For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.”  I feel that I am a trusted servant, who uses the power of words to hopefully bring some hope to someone who might feel very much alone at the moment.  I have been there, I know how it feels.  I feel that my Higher Power gives me the wisdom of the words that flow from my fingertips as they fly across these keys on my laptop keyboard.  This is a bit of my meditation time, a little bit of time I take out of every day to sit and pour my feelings, thoughts and wishes of hope out so that they can reach out to others who might also be in need.  Or I might reach out to someone who could offer insight or experience that I might not have heard other wise.

Part of my healing process is this blog right here, if I can’t sleep cause I have to get something off my chest – I log in and spill it.  Then I can roll over and go right back to sleep.  I know that I do not have all the answers – nor do I need to have them.  All I need to know is that I am only in control of how I react to things, how I let them rent space in my head and how I will let it go and move on.  If you have questions, I may not be able to answer them, I might just be able to point you in the right direction.  Things will not happen over night but they do get easier.  Times are still hard, I still spend a lot of time alone.  He has his program and things that he does to stay sober or just plain work on getting rid of his stress or anger on his own.  I have to except that yes he is sober, yes he still spends time doing other tings with out me, yes I can be strong on my own.  Being alone for me is so scary, I get caught up in my own crazy dark thoughts.  Or if I have a migraine I fear that something bad will happen to me and I will be all alone.

Some people fear other people and I can’t say I blame them.  I am not always comfortable around strangers, but I am VERY uncomfortable being all alone.  I know that he needs his time, I know he likes his classes and his meetings.  I can not have 100% of his time and I guess it hurts a bit because we used to be like that.  But it’s not “we used to” any more, this is my new normal till the next new normal comes around.  It just takes a little time getting used to something different, lord knows my life has been full of change these last few months.

 

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

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