Mirror Mirror on the wall…

The Mirror

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What matters to me at the end of the day, is if I can look at myself in the mirror and look myself in the eyes.  I used to feel that if I looked in the mirror long enough, the reflection started to distort and I no longer recognized who it was I was looking at.  It was like staring at a stranger, this person had dark sad eyes, she looked tired and angry.  I felt alone in my own head with this stranger, she was the one who said nasty things, felt nasty things and let people walk all over her.  Today, I can look in the mirror and see me for who I know I am.  I see light clear eyes that are looking right back at me with no pretense.  I know that while I smile back at myself its a true smile, for I did by best that day and that’s all I can ask of myself.  I need to set more achievable goals and not set myself up for failure.

I had to be able to love myself before I could really love anyone else.  I was not happy with who I saw in the mirror and I tried to make myself look better.  Even if I just thought the nasty things but never said them out loud, it was still toxic thinking that was taking over my brain.  All I had done by not saying the things out loud was make it harder for people to know that I had a problem and needed help.  I smiled and said the nicest things out loud, but in my head the pure venom was rolling about waiting to one day be spat into someone’s face.  I was to chicken to say these things out loud, or maybe it was the good and evil fight in my head.  The little angel and devil on my shoulders having their way with my thoughts.  The devil made me come up with these things, then the angel would turn on the filter so that no one got hurt.  Well that’s not true, I got hurt.

Now that I love myself, I can freely love others.  I can love my husband even thought we can still drive each other nuts.  I can love my husband even though he still makes mistakes.  I can love myself even thought I still make mistakes.  I can make mistakes as long as I learn from them.

  If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!