Four Horsemen (American football)

Four Horsemen (American football) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

BB p.151, A Vision For You:   Momentarily we did — then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen — Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair.

I have felt all of these, the four horsemen followed me around for a long time.  They would take turns trying to tear me to my knees.  I get a lot out of the AA big book as I do my Al-Anon daily reader.  If you have yet to read the To the Wives chapter, I highly recommend it.  I need to re-red it myself now that my head is ready to wrap its self around being in recovery.  I was not ready to embrace the concept of being in the desperate need of recovery myself.

I try to read items from both my Al-Anon books and my husbands AA book.  Going to the AA meetings and reading the big book has helped me understand who I am dealing with.  Just because he is sober doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have some of the same thoughts and feelings.  But what is changed is how we both react to those thoughts and feelings.  I can not change him in any way, what I can change is how I react to them.  I can only control myself, that is a full-time job as it is so I should not even dare to try to take on controlling someone else.  I think that is what happened, I tried to control so many other things that I had no choice but to give up the control that I had over myself.

Frustration still haunts me, I still have an issue with that one.  I get frustrated over things, but I try not to let it over take me.  If it is a valid frustration then I need to approach the matter with a calm head.  If it is something that is out of my control then I need to let go of the frustration, cause it is only effecting me at that point.  I need to stay calm and ask the person to stop doing something, or ask them to help me if that what I need.  People are not mind readers.

Cover of "Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story...

Cover via Amazon

 

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