The 5th step::

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

This goes along with the 4th step.  I have not done my 4th step, but I have done the 5th step in little bits here and there. Admitting to the crazy bad stuff I was doing but justifying it cause of what he was doing.  I was bat shit crazy and that’s all there is to it.  Even if the words never left my head – just the pure craziness that was going around in my head was sickening.  And it wasn’t just thoughts towards my alcoholic, it was for everyone.  Anyone that upset me or angered me would feel my wrath – but only in my mind.

(deep sigh) so – as I look through the list of questions for my fourth step I can see that there are still things in my head – thoughts and feelings – that could still cause some issues.  As my husband says – it’s about progress not perfection.  We will never be perfect, but as long as we are still making progress than we are doing just fine.

Admitting to Gos is not that hard, he was there and saw the hole thing my friend. Admitting to myself – OK, I can do that…I know what I did was wrong even while I was doing it.  But I justified it.  Admitting to another human being, ooh boy.  Now this is that harder part.  You have to be able to trust this person so that you can truly get it all off your chest.

This is going to be a slow going process.  I like to think of myself as an onion and I will have to pull the layers back a bit at a time.  This is not a race – there is no timer or buzzer.  I can take the steps as they come, but I do know that in order to do the 5th step I have to do my 4th step.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too.

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