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I love how people can not talk to you over something that happened – yet talk to people who still to this day are toxic.  Oh, that’s probably because they still partake in toxic behavior themselves.  I think I need to do some FB house cleaning.  If I would not want you in my home, why do I let you look into my life through Facebook.  Not happy about a few things right now and will take some time to decide whats worth getting upset over, whats worth just walking away from.  If you have not made any effort to see if you “friend” is ok in well over 6 months – then whats the point of calling me your good friend.  Yes, I mention God, Yes I mention Serenity, Sobriety, Faith, Love, Happiness and The Fact that I love my husband with all my heart.  Some people would rather live Toxic, self-pity filled destructive lives – not even sure if you can call it living really.  And I have been there – I was on that train to no where, I got off and I have never looked back.  I guess that now with almost 7 months of recovery and working on my 4th step – I can look at who I want in my life, and who I don’t.  Bryan and I are also going to push forward with fostering – and if you are toxic, I don’t want you around my child.  I have to think about the people who will potentially be in her life.  Not saying that only sober people can be in my life – but I am finding that the ones who are Toxic and unwilling to better their lives just make me go down that path of being crazy again.  I will no longer harm my serenity or state of mind just to watch you slowly kill your self.

Doing step work has taken a lot of my time lately – also my fourth step has taken a lot of my mental energy away from me.  Not making excuses as to why I have not been here that often my faithful readers, just letting you into whats been going on lately.  I had to dive deep into myself and look at who I really was.  I didn’t like the person I was there for a while.  Today I can look myself in the eyes in the mirror because I know I am trying my best.  Work has also been very busy, I have been working long hours and even a Saturday here and there.

For those of you who have been reading this a while, you know that I suffer from migraines.  Well one of my triggers is weather.  Right now in the southern part of Arizonawe are going

Humphreys Peak from I-40 in Arizona

Humphreys Peak from I-40 in Arizona (Photo credit: dherrera_96)

through our rainy season called Monsoon.  The storms build very fast and they are very strong – this causes my head to all of a sudden feel as if it will explode.  If you have migraines you might be able to understand when I say this – it feels like every nerve in my head fires at once in a pulsing pattern.  That keeps me from writing a lot lately as well.

We watched the movie “My name is Bill W” with James Woods that was made in 1989 – I highly recommend this movie!  I cried, I laughed, I could not believe that man lived through what he had done to his body.  I also gained some new insight into the mind of my husband.

There is also a new Movie out that is called “Bill W” and it is more of a documentary about the co-founder of AA.  It is playing in my hometown in Aug, and we are going to try to get a group of people together to go see it.

as part of my new self, I am going to try to put aside time everyday to come here and share some things that are going on – in order to keep my serenity I have to share it.  As Bill W said – he had to share it to keep it, and that’s what I have to do as well.  I feel better after a meeting, I feel better after getting things out on here – I feel better after talking to people about things going on in my life.  I need to find a sponsor and I know that when I am ready and when the right person is in my life that my higher power will tell me.  I pray about it everyday so I know he will guide me.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

 

 

 

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