It has been quite a summer.  We are still in our rainy season and the storms have hit hard in some parts of town.  They have been playing havoc with my migraines and I have had a lot more down time that I would like.  There have been some people in our life lately who have been more negative than positive and i am starting to thin out my facebook friends list and my phone contact list.

I have also been without internet at my house for about a week now so most of my surfing has been from my phone or while at work.  If my post have been a bit scarce and short that has been why.  Also have been working on my fourth step a lot and taking some classes.

Had to take my boxer to the vet on friday due to an allergic reaction to either the grass in the yard or a bug bite.  My hubby cut down the grass this morning so I hope that helps up my puffer dog.  We went through this last summer too.  I have also had to work some weekends, like i will have to work this Saturday to prep for a software change over.

My husband has been spending a lot of time working on a sandrail we traded his quad for.  Its been an uphill battle for him and has been a pandora’s box of fun.  I go through moments when i get depressed over the amount of time he spends with it vs with me.  But i have to remember that he needs his own time as well.  I just wish I could a little of the time for us time.

Before the sandrail it was his truck, he used to go out there and drink so maybe i feel like he is back to his old time issues without the drink.  But he is getting stuff down vs just drinking like he was before.  We used to spend every Friday night as date night, we have not done that in a very long time.  I am not asking for much, just one evening with no car stuff, just him and I, a movie and dinner.  Its not like i am even asking for a whole day.

We used to make breakfast on sundays, have not done that in a few weeks either.  I guess i just honestly miss my husband and am unsure how to express it to him without sounding needy.  I drop hints, but then i usually get upset and i ruin the time he does want to spend with me cause I am all weepy.

We got in a bit of a fight when i took Dozer to the vet cause it was very stormy that night and i was 45 mins from the house and he was worried about us being out in the storms.  I wish he would have voiced concern more than anger, but he is still a work in progress.  Its not about perfection its about progress.  And i have to remember that.  I should have waited for him to get home but i got there before 6pm so i didn’t get an emergency charge.

I still feel a bit of loss in my heart over not having a child yet at this point in our life, but our money situation still is not good and we seem to still be in a bit of a hole.  I know that fostering will help us cause they give us money for the care of the child, but we still have work to do on the house and our marriage.  We are in a much better place in our marriage than we ever have been, but it is still a work in progress too.

My husband is still moody and selfish sometimes and i have to make sure i don’t take anything out on him that is out of his control.  Going to meetings and talking with others has helped.

There are still toxic people in my life i have to deal with daily and its part of my own struggle not to let their toxic actions poison my life.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does to.

 

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