What I have learned about addiction lately – is it never really leaves your thoughts.  I might not have been an alcoholic like my husband, but I was a smoker and that is an addiction as well.  It is always in my thoughts, I still to this day think about having a smoke.  I know my husband still thinks about drinking because he tells me when he is having a bad day.  We talk about it and then life puts something in our path that shows us that we are still ok.  Like this weekend when hubby was having a hard time with a craving – we saw one of his fellow “friends of Bill W” and they had a good little chat and Hubby showed him his 2 year coin.  It was just what we needed at that time.  Yes we have not been to a meeting since March – part of the reason being that the people in our home group would not be as welcoming as you would think.  It would be a lot of “did you go back out?”  “where have you been?”  Not a single one has called just to see how we were, a few have called to see if hubby would work on their cars – but not just to see how we are.

We are doing things now that his drinking took away from us, and that is what is important to us right now.  Making up for lost time while we both lived that lifestyle.  I the co-dependent and him the alcoholic – we let our married lax, we let our home improvement lax, we let our chores lax – we were stuck in it and now its time to start doing the things we laxed on.  We painted the inside of the house and replaced the carpet with wood floors.  Next we tackled the kitchen a bit – still have a newer sink to drop in – maybe after Christmas.  And we have a front bathroom sink to replace and one day our master bath to finish.  but instead of freaking out about all the projects.  We take them on one at a time and try not to over do it.  I am really good at talking myself right out of doing something.  It’s too much work, why start what you can’t finish, no one will care that you did it, no one says thank you…Yeah I am good at that.  I can catch myself doing it now most of the time.  doesn’t mean I can always stop it.  But at least I can recognize it now.

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