Tag Archive: 12 steps


New Month, next step…

The 3rd step is also the 3rd step in my little cha-cha dance.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

We made a decision…  this says to me that it is truly up to me to make this choice.  I can choose to be sick and crazy, or I can choose to get better and ask for help from my higher power.  If I ask for help then I have to be willing to get out of the damn way so that He can do what He needs to do to help me. And it’s the care of God not the full control, not the ultimate fix all.  We still have to play a part in our lives, we just have to be willing to ask the right questions and listen to the answers.  It may not be what we want and it may not even be something that we understand at the very moment.  But it is there, if we ask for it.

If I ask for the ability to understand my husband, He is going to give me a situation where I have to be understanding.  If I want to forgive my husband, He will give me a situation where I will need to forgive.  If I ask to be more patient, He will give me a situation where I have to show patience.  He is not going to magically give me what I ask for, He is going to give me the tools to show myself that I have the ability to do it.  Al-Anon has shown me that when I asked for strength, He showed me that I am strong.

So as we start our step 3, remember that it is in this step that we learn that God is willing to show us what we already have inside us, if we are willing to trust Him and ask for His help.  It’s like asking for someone to take the blindfold off so you can look at your self for the first time.  You get to see all the wonderful things inside you that has been there the whole time, it was just hidden behind our own blockades.  We pulled off the blinders, we pulled back the shades…seeing the true self that is there by asking God for His help, we should be ready for the next step – Our personal inventory, but more on that next month.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too.

 

 

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Restore..

Let’s break down step 2.

Step 2 –  Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Today I am going to work on the word that stands out to me, “restore”

re·store  (r-stôr, -str)

tr.v. re·stored, re·stor·ing, re·stores

1. To bring back into existence or use; reestablish: restore law and order.
2. To bring back to an original condition: restore a building. See Synonyms at revive.
3. To put (someone) back in a former position: restore the emperor to the throne.
4. To make restitution of; give back: restore the stolen funds.

To me restore means to bring it back to is intended beauty. So I asked my higher power to restore me to my intended state of sanity.  What is sane to me might not be the same for you, and what was my state of being crazy, might not seem crazy to you.  But that is what makes us who we are.  We are all different and all have our own needs, what binds us together is our unity and the want for sobriety and serenity.  AA, Al-Anon, Alateen and the rest of the 12 steps groups all rely on unity.

 

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Reflections…

I read something in one of the daily readings that was about how a lady saw the refection of her hanging lamp in her glass coffee table.  She said the longer she looked at it the more the Ceiling looked like the floor and the hanging lamp looked like a floor lamp.  It hit her that maybe she was blinded by all the little nasty things her husband had done and was forgetting the good things.  I know how she feels, I would tell people only the good things my hubby would do for me.  They would tell me how sweet he sounds and how wonderful he must be.  And when he was doing those nice things he was wonderful!

The longer I sat there and thought of nothing but the darkness the more and more it seem that was all there was.  I no longer found the sweet things he did endearing, they were annoying or bothersome.  The nasty thing he did seems that much worse due to the fact that I am already only seeing the dark side of things.  I pulled back more and more, and he pushed towards being mean more and more.  I am sure that he had some misguided reflections as well.  For he no longer appreciated what I did around the house, I would make dinner and it was never what he wanted or not cooked the way he wanted it to be.  He missed the fact that I was willing to come home after a 9 hour day and cook and clean.  He never asked me to do his laundry or even said he was running low, he just assumed I would do it for him.  If I was a house wife, no problem, but I work just as long as he does everyday.  We needed to find a way to do things as a team, we had lost that partnership and were just sparing off each other.

Tomorrow is a new month, and the second month of the year so you know what that means…step 2!  I am very excited to start the next step.  It’s the next part of my cha-cha-cha dance.  1-2-3 cha-cha-cha, 1-2-3 admit believe decide.  So with the closing of the month, I pause to look inside myself.  Have I truly admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.  I know 100% that my life had become unmanageable and yes, I am powerless over alcohol.  I am not just saying it to make others happy or give false hope that I was getting it.  I truly believe that I am powerless over many things, especially alcohol.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Free Online Audio Playback Of All Big Book Text

Hey guys, I was just doing some surfing online and I found a link that allows you to listen to the Big Book online at your own pace and preference, when carrying around the Big Book isn’t possible. 

It also has a link for you to download the Big Book on iTunes for 10.95!

http://www.recoveryzone.org/docs/bigbook.htm

Enjoy!

On the Ranch…

My Best Friend called me to tell me he had relapsed with his pain-killer addiction.  He lives in another state so its hard on me not to be able to be there for him.  But he entered a rehab program a few days after Christmas, I am so very proud of him.  He will be done with the in-house treatment program in about a week and I can not wait to talk to him.  I did hear from him for a bit on Saturday, he said he is doing very well and is getting the help he needs working through the 12 steps with NA and AA meetings.  He will continue to attend meetings once the in-house program is done.  I wished they were closer so we could all go to meetings together, but for now just the fact that he is healing is pure joy to me.  I have been staying in contact with his wife to make sure she is getting the support that she needs to heal from this as well.  He told me I was free to be able to post something about him, so that is why I have not shared this up until now.

There is nothing wrong with seeking help from a rehab center.  Sometimes you can not do this on your own.  They help you through the detox and then teach you the tools you will need to continue on your own.  Now, some places all they care about is the cash, but if you can find a good center that cares about the people not their bank account, well then you go yourself a very good place.  Others in AA and Al-Anon have different views on the treatment centers, but hey, what ever it takes to get better I say go for it.

I am going to see if he would be so kind as to write-up a few things to share with you about his time in treatment, his battle with the addiction.  I can only write from the Al-Anon side and bits from the AA side that I get from my husband.  But I would love to be able to also bring in the point of view from someone who suffers from the addiction.

Thursday night Al-Anon meeting…

What has Alcohol stolen from you?

This was the question during our Al-Anon meeting tonight from one of the daily readings.  Well, Alcohol stole my husband from me.  It stole my ability to see the world and the people in it for who they were.  It stole my true self and put a hole in my heart.  For the longest time I thought the hole in my heart was due to the lack of children.  Due to health reasons I can not have children.  So we talked about adoption, we even tried to set things up for that to happen.  It was just never the right time.  That’s cause it was not time for us to have that in our lives yet.

How has your Higher power helped you get it back?

Through program, my meetings and praying – I found my husband.  I am now able to see that everyone that comes in and out of my life is there for a reason.  I am seeing more of my self everyday, and my heart no longer has a hole in it.  I covered that hole with a chip.  And I know that when we are ready for a child and the child that is meant for us is ready for a mom and dad – things will fall into place and it will happen.  I can not worry about that at the moment, I just keep working through my 12 steps and doing it one day at a time.

 

It’s funny that tonight of all nights we were asked “what did Alcohol steal from you?” I had already began to write the posts that will take place over the next few days about what alcohol stole from me.  I have notice that a lot since starting the recovery process.  Either TV shows, Movies or real life meets up with what I just read in one of the Al-Anon books.  But that is just proof to me that god is trying to make me listen.  He is showing me that He is there, He hears me and I should listen to the answers that just happen to be all around me.  I just have to open my eyes to see them. God bless!

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