Tag Archive: AA


With March almost over I wanted to do a little check in.  This has been a big month for us.  I turned 30 years old, celebrated 9 years at my current job and we started foster/adoptive parent classes.  I have not been to a meeting in two weeks, I was feeling a little burnt out.  Plus with class being on Wed nights and not getting home till after 9pm the next day I feel dead.  Makes it hard to want to go anywhere Thursday night as well.  I do miss my Al-anon family, but right now I have to take care of myself.

I was taught that in Al-Anon, we have to take care of ourselves.  And right now that means getting rest and not over doing it.  The first class was a shocker and until I get used to staying up late on Wed nights it might be a little bit till I can get to a meeting.  I still do my reading and will still try to keep in touch with everyone.

This being the third month we talked about the third step, I am having to do that a lot and turn stuff over.  Its hard, but I know in my heart that my Higher Power is there right beside me through all of this.  I pray for the strength to stay on track and make it though this process of becoming a parent.  I know my daughter is out there somewhere, just waiting for us like we are waiting for her.

I use the serenity prayer so much om my way to work – it’s a good thing I don’t have my windows down, the cars next to me might hear me yell it over and over to myself till I can say it calmly from the heart.  That’s when I know my higher power has heard me and I feel the calming nature of his presence with me.

What are somethings that you have turned over to the care of God, as you understood him?  What are somethings that you know you need to let go of but are having an issue doing so?

Advertisements

New Month, next step…

The 3rd step is also the 3rd step in my little cha-cha dance.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

We made a decision…  this says to me that it is truly up to me to make this choice.  I can choose to be sick and crazy, or I can choose to get better and ask for help from my higher power.  If I ask for help then I have to be willing to get out of the damn way so that He can do what He needs to do to help me. And it’s the care of God not the full control, not the ultimate fix all.  We still have to play a part in our lives, we just have to be willing to ask the right questions and listen to the answers.  It may not be what we want and it may not even be something that we understand at the very moment.  But it is there, if we ask for it.

If I ask for the ability to understand my husband, He is going to give me a situation where I have to be understanding.  If I want to forgive my husband, He will give me a situation where I will need to forgive.  If I ask to be more patient, He will give me a situation where I have to show patience.  He is not going to magically give me what I ask for, He is going to give me the tools to show myself that I have the ability to do it.  Al-Anon has shown me that when I asked for strength, He showed me that I am strong.

So as we start our step 3, remember that it is in this step that we learn that God is willing to show us what we already have inside us, if we are willing to trust Him and ask for His help.  It’s like asking for someone to take the blindfold off so you can look at your self for the first time.  You get to see all the wonderful things inside you that has been there the whole time, it was just hidden behind our own blockades.  We pulled off the blinders, we pulled back the shades…seeing the true self that is there by asking God for His help, we should be ready for the next step – Our personal inventory, but more on that next month.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too.

 

 

Response Able

He came home from his meeting with a new saying.  He said It would make a good post.  He has some very good ideas and a lot of what I post comes from him.  He said it’s not just about being responsible – it’s about being response able.  While I was in my crazy out of control moments of trying to fix my drinking spouse – I had been forgetting my responsibilities.  I was more concerned with his well-being then mine.  And when I became this crazy person I was no longer response able.  I would either blow up, or bottle it all in and die a little more emotionally.

Yesterday was a test to this very thing.  I started writing this post well over a week ago but for some reason I was having a bit of an issue finding something to say.  I didn’t want to just delete the draft cause I still wanted to post something on it.  But Yesterday on my way home from work I had a bit of an incident.  I am so sore – will be working from home today. After everything settled yesterday hubby had me put a water bottle on the floor boards so I could see that there is no way for it to get under the pedal so I know not to freak out the next time.  Had I known this prior to yesterday Dora (yes my ford explorer is named Dora) would not have a very sad pout at the moment.  He also had me prove that if it had gotten under the pedal I could have smashed it with pushing hard enough on the pedal.  For my readers who ever fear this I suggest you check to see where it would roll on your car so this doesn’t happen to you. Lesson learned, no one was hurt.  I hope that the young man who I hit can forgive me, it was not my intention to hit him and I hope that everything goes OK with the repair of their car. May my higher power forgive me and help me over come this.

When I called my husband to inform him that I had in fact just rear-ended someone – he turned right back into Mr Hyde.  He said some very mean things on the phone before we hung up.  I realized that he never even asked if I was ok.  We exchanged information cause do to a reduction in funds, the police will not come out unless there is an injury.  I got a call into start farm to put in the claim and to get a tow.  Dora was drivable except I had cut the trans cooler line.  I have free towing so it was not a big deal, just had to wait for the wrecker.  My dad was not too far away so I called him and he waited with me.

The tow truck showed up and I got another call from my husband.  He was calmer and asked if I needed a ride, I said no dad is here and so is the truck.  We hung up and then he called me while dad and I were getting on the freeway to go home.  He apologized for losing his mind and yelling at me, he also said he was sorry for not asking if I was OK.  He got home and looked at Dora, he can fix her up so I am not too worried.  most of it was just cosmetic and its looks like a bumper and grill is in order.  He will know more once he gets all the parts off.  If it’s just that I have to drive for a while without a front bumper – I have no problem with that.

He felt really bad that at the first test he had a little it of a fit and had the “old” him show back up.  He recovered rather quickly and was able to make an amends – he would have never done that before, I would still be hearing about how bad of a drive I was had he still been drinking.  I am not a bad driver, I had a tire blow up last year that most people, including my husband said they would have flipped a lifted explorer over on it side.  I didn’t panic or freak out and kept her upright.  OK – so I was able to pull that off, yet a damn water bottle caused me to rear-end someone who looked no more than 16 years old.  *shakes her head*

want to hear how the lord works in weird, and sometimes very messed up ways?  My husband had gotten his very large and very cool air compressor yesterday.  He had been waiting for like 4 weeks now to get it.  They put it in the back of his truck fr him and he was not sure how he was going to get it out of his monster truck when he got home.  My dad had planned on being at our house to help him with it so that worked out that he was bringing me home anyways.  That’s not the strange thing though.  The air compressor weighed about 450lbs – and it was all at the top of the darn thing with is about as tall as I am.  There was no way that my dad and my husband could have gotten that thing out of my husbands big lifted truck.

The tow truck driver was more than happy to help once Dora was unloaded.  The boys tried to kill themselves getting the darn thing off the crate, so I am glad they didn’t attempt to remove it from the bed of the truck.  So had my higher power been looking out for me in a strange and messed up way – maybe.  Nothing just happens – it all happens for a reason.  We might not like it, but it is what it is.  Not ever cloud has a silver lining.  I guess I had been living on this pink cloud of recovery, that everything in life was just peachy.  We I fell off and hit my knees.  But you know what I did?  In stead of my old ways of wallowing in guilt and pain, I got up, dusted myself off and took on my responsibilities.

I was able to be response able and took care of calling the insurance, my own tow truck and I even called 911 before I got out of the truck.  Freaking out was not going to solve anything – so I kept calm and dealt with it.  My husband and I are still ok, we were able to talk about it and both say we were sorry and still loved each other.

So if you are living with a recovering person, remember that they still will have a little bit of that “stikin thinkin” going on but the amends should be right around the corner, have faith and have love and remember – you are not alone.

 

If no one has told you they love you today – I love you and God does too!

8 months

He has 8 month down today – and I am so proud!  Next month is my belly button birthday and he will be getting his 9 month chip at that point – it will be an awesome month for us!  And remember – if you are celebrating a birthday and you like to share – please send it either in a comment or an email and we will get them posted to help you celebrate!!  (chipinmyheart2011@gmail.com)  Here is to sobriety – here is so serenity – and here is to us!

It works if you work it and your worth it!!!

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Links

I found some very awesome links today for worksheets for working the 12steps.  I am in desperate need of a sponsor – I have two ladies in mind in my home group.  Man I wasn’t this nervous when I asked my hubby to be my boyfriend back when I was 16!!  I need to put my big girl panties on and just ask….easier said then done.  People say it so nonchalantly.  “just get a sponsor.”  ummm – yeah, would LOVE to!

Anyways – here are the links:

http://jimrlong.org/index.php/pdf-12-step-worksheets

http://silkworth.net/zips/index.html

http://www.monroealanoclub.com/Resources___Links.html

http://thesponsorsaide.org/Downloads.htm

http://www.rewritables.net/cybriety/banner_&_image_gallery.htm

http://www.12stepclipart.50megs.com/

http://spot.colorado.edu/~hauserg/ArEmotList.htm

http://www.12step.org/tools/step-worksheets.html

http://thesponsorsaide.org/12StepWorksheets.htm

http://home.capecod.net/~rogerg/_RECOVERY.html

http://www.rc-rc.info/downloads.html

Free Online Audio Playback Of All Big Book Text

Hey guys, I was just doing some surfing online and I found a link that allows you to listen to the Big Book online at your own pace and preference, when carrying around the Big Book isn’t possible. 

It also has a link for you to download the Big Book on iTunes for 10.95!

http://www.recoveryzone.org/docs/bigbook.htm

Enjoy!

Welcome a new member to the team!

I would like you all to please give a warm welcome to the newest member of the Chip in My Heart team.  He is my dearest and closest friend and I know he is going to be a wonderful addition.  I can not wait to read his words of recovery and see all the awesomeness of hope he can offer.  Rex and I go WAY back to Junior high and High school and I know he has a passion just like mine for writing and recovery.  This is very exciting to me to be adding another member of the team who can write from the AA and NA side of the coin.

There is a chip in my heart…

 

The new Logo – Oh Yeah!!  Thank you to someone special for their help with the Logo!!

First Al-Anon date 12/22/11

Al-Anon start Date: 12-22-2011

12/23

Yesterday was my fist Al-Anon meeting.  After the meeting I came home and talked to my husband about my feelings.  He was at his AA meeting while I was at my Al-Anon meeting.  All this time I thought this was just his problem.  He was the sick one not me, why do I need treatment?  I am not the one who drinks, he is!  As I read the book and listened to everyone’s story’s I realized that I am just as sick if not sicker than he is.

The drinker is the one who lies, hides things, steals, makes up stories and is the only one with the illness right?  WRONG!!  I lied right along with him, I helped him hid the drinking.  I would tell myself “he doesn’t have a problem.”  I would go buy him beer and never say anything about it to him.  He would yell and scream at me, or through stuff if I did something he thought was wrong or something he didn’t like.  I just would take it, I never said anything.  I would sit there in silence and listen.  Sometimes I ever started to believe it.  So really recovery is as important for me as it is for him.

I felt a lot of guilt towards his drinking for a long time.  Maybe this was somehow partially my fault.  Then I felt anger towards him, towards his parents, towards myself.  Why did his parents have to be so mean, such heavy drinkers and passed it on to both their children.  Then I felt sadness cause if he would have found Al-Anon, Alateen or ACA (adult children of alcoholics) maybe this could have been avoided.  Instead of dwelling on the past, I am putting my energy towards my recovery and the future.

During our separation which was the fist part of his recovery, he used to tell me that even if we didn’t stay together this was not just his issue and I would have to always deal with it.  I thought oh great, he is never going to let me be.  But after talking with him last night I realized what he was talking about was my own illness.  I was co-dependent to his drinking.  I would take care of him so he never had to suffer the consequences from his drinking.  I was making it easy on him to keep drinking.  Now being able to see that I am also sick and need the recovery program I feel so much better.

Wait, you feel better after admitting you have a problem?  Well yes, that is one of the twelve steps.  The very first step is to admit that you are powerless over alcohol and that you life has become unmanageable.  There are twelve steps, twelve traditions and twelve concepts of service.  What a coincidence there is also twelve months.  I will be working thought each one each month.  I was told by my group leader last night that after one year I get my Al-Anon chip, I am so excited about that.  Seeing Bryan get his chips has been wonderful.  AA gives out sobriety chips as they reach milestones in their recovery.

My husband got his 6 month chip last week and it was my first open AA meeting.  That is when I decided I wanted to see what Al-Anon was all about.  Going to the open AA meeting opened my eyes to recovery.  The AA, Al-Anon, Alateen and ACA programs are wonderful.

I always had this feeling of being lost, without purpose, without hope.  I was sad, depressed and lonely.  I thought there was no way anyone would understand or believe me.  I have lived most of my life in pain that no one understood or believed.  I have had migraines all of my life, I also have wide-spread pain all over my body.  There are no medical findings to support my claims of the pain.  So I was told over and over that it was all in my head.  As a child Dr’s told my parents I was faking the migraines.  It was not till I was 21 and had a seizure that they started to listen to me.

So, here I am a person who suffers herself not believing my husband when he tried to tell me he suffered.  That he was in pain, was sad and depressed.  I could not believe that he felt hopeless or useless when everyone wanted his help for everything.  He felt just as alone as I did.  So here are two people who are in pain, lonely, sad and hopeless.  Both so close to one another yet so far away.   Thank God everyday that we both have now found recovery, we have both found understanding, we have both found compassion and we have both found the love for each other that was always there.  We just had to get out of our own way.  Let go and let God.  To hear him talk of God in his life is very new for me, he refused Gods presence in his life for a long time and it warms my heart now.  So now we have each other, we have God, and we both have recovery.

 

Becky's Bad Dates....

Why Did I Shave My Legs For This?!?!

Inside Kel's Kitchen

Love to eat, love to cook, and trying to keep it healthy!

Holly Brockwell

Writer, founder, influencer

Hugh's Views & News

A man with dyslexia writing about this and that and everything else!

the harmonious two

stories & dreams from a couple of music lovers

kelsurfs

Please follow my actual food blog at https://insidekelskitchen.wordpress.com!

Logical Quotes

Logical and Inspirational quotes

songsfortheday

posting songs you should hear.

I Was A Foster Kid

About growing up in the foster care system

House of Kellen

Energy healing and Rune Reading

Homemade with Mess

who wants life to be tidy when you can have more fun making a mess??!

YARNutopia by Nadia Fuad

All things Yarn Related: Crochet, DIY, and Crafts

Chronic Pain Cockney - The Little Things

Living with Chronic (in fact, daily) Migraine, IIH & Chiari is tough. Sometimes I blog about it; other times I indulge my love of pretty things & review beauty products instead.

Sleeping Geeks

Sleep by Day - Geek by Night

random rants ruminations ramblings

different times, different thoughts

Crochet with Raymond

The mad adventures of a lesbi@n hooker and her siamese cat!

Ray Ferrer - Emotion on Canvas

** OFFICIAL Site of Artist Ray Ferrer **

Smart Discount Shop

Discover all the creative and ingenious ways to save money !