Tag Archive: Al-Anon


With March almost over I wanted to do a little check in.  This has been a big month for us.  I turned 30 years old, celebrated 9 years at my current job and we started foster/adoptive parent classes.  I have not been to a meeting in two weeks, I was feeling a little burnt out.  Plus with class being on Wed nights and not getting home till after 9pm the next day I feel dead.  Makes it hard to want to go anywhere Thursday night as well.  I do miss my Al-anon family, but right now I have to take care of myself.

I was taught that in Al-Anon, we have to take care of ourselves.  And right now that means getting rest and not over doing it.  The first class was a shocker and until I get used to staying up late on Wed nights it might be a little bit till I can get to a meeting.  I still do my reading and will still try to keep in touch with everyone.

This being the third month we talked about the third step, I am having to do that a lot and turn stuff over.  Its hard, but I know in my heart that my Higher Power is there right beside me through all of this.  I pray for the strength to stay on track and make it though this process of becoming a parent.  I know my daughter is out there somewhere, just waiting for us like we are waiting for her.

I use the serenity prayer so much om my way to work – it’s a good thing I don’t have my windows down, the cars next to me might hear me yell it over and over to myself till I can say it calmly from the heart.  That’s when I know my higher power has heard me and I feel the calming nature of his presence with me.

What are somethings that you have turned over to the care of God, as you understood him?  What are somethings that you know you need to let go of but are having an issue doing so?

New Month, next step…

The 3rd step is also the 3rd step in my little cha-cha dance.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

We made a decision…  this says to me that it is truly up to me to make this choice.  I can choose to be sick and crazy, or I can choose to get better and ask for help from my higher power.  If I ask for help then I have to be willing to get out of the damn way so that He can do what He needs to do to help me. And it’s the care of God not the full control, not the ultimate fix all.  We still have to play a part in our lives, we just have to be willing to ask the right questions and listen to the answers.  It may not be what we want and it may not even be something that we understand at the very moment.  But it is there, if we ask for it.

If I ask for the ability to understand my husband, He is going to give me a situation where I have to be understanding.  If I want to forgive my husband, He will give me a situation where I will need to forgive.  If I ask to be more patient, He will give me a situation where I have to show patience.  He is not going to magically give me what I ask for, He is going to give me the tools to show myself that I have the ability to do it.  Al-Anon has shown me that when I asked for strength, He showed me that I am strong.

So as we start our step 3, remember that it is in this step that we learn that God is willing to show us what we already have inside us, if we are willing to trust Him and ask for His help.  It’s like asking for someone to take the blindfold off so you can look at your self for the first time.  You get to see all the wonderful things inside you that has been there the whole time, it was just hidden behind our own blockades.  We pulled off the blinders, we pulled back the shades…seeing the true self that is there by asking God for His help, we should be ready for the next step – Our personal inventory, but more on that next month.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too.

 

 

February 2013…

Smoke

Smoke (Photo credit: AMagill)

Hello February – Ready for step 2?  well good because here it is:

Step 2 –

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Last year I explored the meaning of the word Restore…why?  Well because it stuck out to me, that’s why.  This year the word that stand out to me is Could.  It could restore us to sanity.  It’s not a false promise, is not a answer to fix all that is wrong with me.  I have to do be present in this journey of getting back to sanity.  My Higher Power can help me get there, if I let it.  I have to get out of the darn way and let him take some of this weight off my shoulders.  If I don’t let go, if I hold on with everything I have to things – how can I take a hold of the gifts of today?  How can I reach towards the future with hands full of yesterdays crap?

Could [kood; unstressed kuhd]
verb

1.a simple past tense of can1 .
auxiliary verb

2. (used to express possibility): I wonder who that could be at the door. That couldn’t be true.
3. (used to express conditional possibility or ability): You could do it if you tried.
4. (used in making polite requests): Could you open the door for me, please?
5. (used in asking for permission): Could I borrow your pen?
6. (used in offering suggestions or advice): You could write and ask for more information. You could at least have called me.
I find that even if I have read all the pages in the ODAT (One Day At A Time, Al-anon daily reader) a story will stick out to me in a different way.  I see what I need to see when I need to see it.  I can get out of a story what I need to hear at that moment in time.  It will be different for me each time, and that’s the best part about it.  That means I can read that book 100 times and still get something different each time.
If I can learn the art of letting go, this happy feeling I have today might just stay with me for a while. Last Thursday was my 30th day of being a non smoker.  I consider myself to be a non smoker now because I don’t want to go back to it.  If by calling myself a non smoker, I can resist giving myself permission to do it again.  So yes, 30 days as a non smoker and today is  30 days till my 30th birthday.  Yeah – what ya got on all my three’s!  I hope you all have a good day.
If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too.

I have been nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by the1savedbygrace – Here are the rules when you are nominated for this award… Just tell 7 things about yourself that hasn’t been shared before. Then nominate up to 15 others.

This may not be an awards ceremony – but if someone wanted to tell the world that they found my blog to be inspirational – well then yes it is my own little award ceremony.  I don’t do this to get awards, a pat on the back, I do this for my own well being and with the hopes that I can save someone’s life.  If you don’t think that its life or death, then you must have never loved an addict.  Not only is it life threatening to them, it is for the loved ones who love them to death.  Get it – love them to death.  That saying was true for me.  My life was unmanageable.  I write here to get all those feelings and thoughts and fears out of my head.  I hope that if someone is reading this, they see that life will go on, life will get better, I can improve, I can get better, I can LIVE.  As a addict you may think you are living life to the fullest, you are living life in excess, know what happens when you spend in excess – you run out!  If you slow down, sober up, recover from either the addiction, or your co-addiction – you will see life is so much nicer and prettier in the slow lane.

I do not preach, I do not push, I share my hops and dreams.  Yes I am passionate, but that is because it has helped me live.  I survived something very traumatic and came out the other side a better person.  With the help of Al-Anon, AA and my support group – I  have a wonderful Loving husband and I support him in his recovery as well.

so back to the matter at hand – here is my part of the award.

Here are 7 things about me.

1. I Love my husband, more than words could say.

2. I love to do Crochet.  I make stuffed animals mostly.

3. I have 3 furry children, A 13 year old Chihuahua, a 8 year old Basenji Mix and a 2 year old Boxer.

4. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I cry, but I hide in the bathroom or in the shower.

5. I love to paint.  I paint on glass bottles, rocks, sometimes canvas.

6. I strongly dislike doing dishes and folding laundry.

7. I am in recovery, Al-Anon.  My Husband is in recover, AA.  We go to AA meetings together and then we both have our own home groups.  My Recovery matters to me, and it always will.  His recovery is just as important to me.  We changed our lives to make room for our new way of living.

Here are my nominations: I did 12 for a reason 😉

1. the1savedbygrace

2. 12 steps think about it

3. my recovery path

4. Power of Positive Thoughts

5. Journey of my healing.

6. Addict to addict

7. Good life.

8. what matters most

9. screw infidelity   – Very inspiring to me!! – I love her Blog

10. sweet peas kitchen

11. lifeinjoyfuljuxtaposition

12. recovery meditation

where has this week gone…

Wow it’s Thursday already!  This week my posts have been a little sparse and I apologize for that, but as life always does, it got in my way.  Saturday I suspected that the rash my husband was developing was chicken pox, he never had it as a child even after being around it.  Sunday he finally let me take him to the take care clinic at walgreens.  They confirmed that it was chicken pox, and then he got sick while in the room with the Dr.  I got him home and started to make him drink plenty of fluids and stay in bed.  I had to go to work Monday and Tuesday, but I did take yesterday (wed) off for my belly button birthday.  I have hit 29, I am a bit freaked out about 30 but only because I had hoped to have the adoption stuff already underway by now. Spent a relaxing day at home, did go get breakfast at McD’s and had to go through the drive through cause hubby can not be around people yet.  In true fashion of my birthday, we went from being over 80 degrees on Monday and Tuesday to 58 and very windy and a few sprinkles.  It has rained almost every year on my birthday, mom said it poured the day I was born.

I have my Al-Anon meeting tonight and I really want to go cause I want to get a chance to see everyone, but at the same time I want to stay home and be with my hubby.  He has had to miss everything this week, two AA meetings, anger management and his substance abuse class.  I am not sure if he will be able to make it to Sunday’s AA meeting or not, we will just have to wait and see how he is feeling. I am trying to keep myself healthy so I can avoid getting shingles from him having chicken pox.  I really don’t have the sick time saved up right now to take that kind of time off.  But they said as long as I keep my immune system up and try to stay healthy I might be able to avoid it so that is what I am trying to do.

  If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Stone soup…

OK – so hubby made me think of this last night and I just had to share cause I think it holds a good meaning.  I  think I was either in elementary school or Jr high, but we read the story about making stone soup.

A weary, poor traveler arrived in a small village. He had no food or money and had not eaten in days. The one thing he did have was a cooking pot that he used on those rare occasions

stone soup spoon

stone soup spoon (Photo credit: Hippy Jon)

when he had something to cook.
He built a small cooking fire, placed his pot on it, and poured in some water. When a few villagers asked what he was doing, he replied that he was making Stone Soup which was an ancient tasty recipe passed down to him from his ancestors. He then dropped in a smooth, round stone he had in his pocket into the pot.
As the soup warmed, the traveler told the villagers stories of his travels and the exciting things he’d seen. He tasted his soup and said it was coming along nicely, but a bit of salt would bring out the flavor. One curious villager went into her home and returned with some salt for the soup.

A few more villagers walking by stopped to see what was going on when they heard the traveler speaking. The traveler told more stories and said that a couple carrots or onion would be a nice addition to the already delicious soup. So, another villager figured he could give a few carrots and retrieved them from his cellar.

This continued on with the traveler casually asking for onions, seasoning, a bit of meat, celery, potatoes to bring out the full potential of the soup.
Finally, the soup was ready and everyone enjoyed the tasty meal prepared for them from just a stone, and a few other items.

I love this story and had totally forgotten about it till last night.  I feel that sometimes if you ask out right to get something “large” you might be met with resentment and a few doors slammed in your face.  But if you just ask for something very small to start you might end up with better results, and that includes wh

at we ask of ourselves.  Also to me this is about having faith.  He had to have faith that the people would begin to share small items with him and maybe a bit of curiosity to see what he was coming up with.  I must have faith in myself, I must have faith in my husband, I must have faith in my higher power and I must have faith in other people.  I have faith in my self that I can be a stronger person, I have faith in my husband that he can continue to stay sober, I have faith in my higher power that they will not give me more than they know I can handle and I must have faith in the members of my Al-Anon group who are always there when I need a shoulder or just some strength.

  If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Wow March already!  I must apologize for being a day late with my welcome to the new month post.  I was quite ill yesterday with a migraine, I try to get a post in even through the pain,

ghost god (pike and 12th)

but I just could not muster the energy.  I just could not put out a post just for the sake of a post that had not heart or feeling in it.  I only put up posts that have my heart and feelings in them, cause well that is the point here.  I just don’t post to post.  Anyways – let’s get on to the matter at hand, step 3!

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

OK, God as we understood him.  This is how you see your god, your higher power – for it says as we understood him.  Some people pray to nature, some people pray to the sandals, robe and long hair god, some pray to the ancient roman gods – who ever it is, what ever form they take in our mind – you must be willing to trust them.  You must be willing to hand things over and for most, including myself, this can be easier said than done.  As I have said before, things that are worth doing, things that are the right thing to do, things that we know better about all along – they are never easy.  If it were easy we might not be where we are right now, I know that’s what I did.  I took the path of disrepair and  negativity cause it was easier to give up than fight.   It was easier to hold on to my anger and resentment.  It gave me an excuse to feel like crap.  I gave myself permission to accept all the bad stuff in my life and blame others.  Was his drinking my fault, no.  Was the way I let it into my head my fault, yes.  I am not here to fix my addict, I am here because of him.  Am I here to learn how to fix him, no.  I am here to learn the tools needed to carry on my life that has been effected by alcohol. God, the Father watches us all everywhere.

I had to first admit to the problem at hand, I then had to believe that I could be restored, now I have to believe that I can not to this without help.  Lord knows sitting at home alone with my negative thoughts and actions got me no where for over 5 years, I can give this a try!  I have to tell myself all the time to let go, but as much as I try – I still hold on to the smallest of thread holding that problem to me.

After my meeting last night I was talking to a new comer to our group who is having a hard time, I gave her a bunch of hugs and a few words of comfort.  I told  her that I was where she is right now all but a few months back.  I passed on the Lego that I had been given my first night in Al-Anon.  It came with a story talking o letting go and using the Lego to help to remember to do so.  I thought that she might get some use from it as I had when I first found the program.

Lego bricks

  If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

On the Ranch…

My Best Friend called me to tell me he had relapsed with his pain-killer addiction.  He lives in another state so its hard on me not to be able to be there for him.  But he entered a rehab program a few days after Christmas, I am so very proud of him.  He will be done with the in-house treatment program in about a week and I can not wait to talk to him.  I did hear from him for a bit on Saturday, he said he is doing very well and is getting the help he needs working through the 12 steps with NA and AA meetings.  He will continue to attend meetings once the in-house program is done.  I wished they were closer so we could all go to meetings together, but for now just the fact that he is healing is pure joy to me.  I have been staying in contact with his wife to make sure she is getting the support that she needs to heal from this as well.  He told me I was free to be able to post something about him, so that is why I have not shared this up until now.

There is nothing wrong with seeking help from a rehab center.  Sometimes you can not do this on your own.  They help you through the detox and then teach you the tools you will need to continue on your own.  Now, some places all they care about is the cash, but if you can find a good center that cares about the people not their bank account, well then you go yourself a very good place.  Others in AA and Al-Anon have different views on the treatment centers, but hey, what ever it takes to get better I say go for it.

I am going to see if he would be so kind as to write-up a few things to share with you about his time in treatment, his battle with the addiction.  I can only write from the Al-Anon side and bits from the AA side that I get from my husband.  But I would love to be able to also bring in the point of view from someone who suffers from the addiction.

There is a chip in my heart…

 

The new Logo – Oh Yeah!!  Thank you to someone special for their help with the Logo!!

Meeting tonight!

Tonight is my Al-Anon meeting night.  I feel so good on Thursdays, I am excited before I go to my home group and then I feel relaxed and calm after.   It is like a feeling of being so happy by being surrounded by others who feel the same as I do.  They understand me, they don’t judge me.  I got my One Day at a Time book, and got a cover for it.  I made a cover by Crochet and then I bought a Bible cover that has pockets and a zipper.  It is too big for my book, but I can put a note-book in it as well as my book.  I can carry a tissue pouch and some cash for the donation box at my meeting.  The front pocket is big enough for my phone.

 

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