Tag Archive: Alcohol


Wow March already!  I must apologize for being a day late with my welcome to the new month post.  I was quite ill yesterday with a migraine, I try to get a post in even through the pain,

ghost god (pike and 12th)

but I just could not muster the energy.  I just could not put out a post just for the sake of a post that had not heart or feeling in it.  I only put up posts that have my heart and feelings in them, cause well that is the point here.  I just don’t post to post.  Anyways – let’s get on to the matter at hand, step 3!

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

OK, God as we understood him.  This is how you see your god, your higher power – for it says as we understood him.  Some people pray to nature, some people pray to the sandals, robe and long hair god, some pray to the ancient roman gods – who ever it is, what ever form they take in our mind – you must be willing to trust them.  You must be willing to hand things over and for most, including myself, this can be easier said than done.  As I have said before, things that are worth doing, things that are the right thing to do, things that we know better about all along – they are never easy.  If it were easy we might not be where we are right now, I know that’s what I did.  I took the path of disrepair and  negativity cause it was easier to give up than fight.   It was easier to hold on to my anger and resentment.  It gave me an excuse to feel like crap.  I gave myself permission to accept all the bad stuff in my life and blame others.  Was his drinking my fault, no.  Was the way I let it into my head my fault, yes.  I am not here to fix my addict, I am here because of him.  Am I here to learn how to fix him, no.  I am here to learn the tools needed to carry on my life that has been effected by alcohol. God, the Father watches us all everywhere.

I had to first admit to the problem at hand, I then had to believe that I could be restored, now I have to believe that I can not to this without help.  Lord knows sitting at home alone with my negative thoughts and actions got me no where for over 5 years, I can give this a try!  I have to tell myself all the time to let go, but as much as I try – I still hold on to the smallest of thread holding that problem to me.

After my meeting last night I was talking to a new comer to our group who is having a hard time, I gave her a bunch of hugs and a few words of comfort.  I told  her that I was where she is right now all but a few months back.  I passed on the Lego that I had been given my first night in Al-Anon.  It came with a story talking o letting go and using the Lego to help to remember to do so.  I thought that she might get some use from it as I had when I first found the program.

Lego bricks

  If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

8 months

He has 8 month down today – and I am so proud!  Next month is my belly button birthday and he will be getting his 9 month chip at that point – it will be an awesome month for us!  And remember – if you are celebrating a birthday and you like to share – please send it either in a comment or an email and we will get them posted to help you celebrate!!  (chipinmyheart2011@gmail.com)  Here is to sobriety – here is so serenity – and here is to us!

It works if you work it and your worth it!!!

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Links

I found some very awesome links today for worksheets for working the 12steps.  I am in desperate need of a sponsor – I have two ladies in mind in my home group.  Man I wasn’t this nervous when I asked my hubby to be my boyfriend back when I was 16!!  I need to put my big girl panties on and just ask….easier said then done.  People say it so nonchalantly.  “just get a sponsor.”  ummm – yeah, would LOVE to!

Anyways – here are the links:

http://jimrlong.org/index.php/pdf-12-step-worksheets

http://silkworth.net/zips/index.html

http://www.monroealanoclub.com/Resources___Links.html

http://thesponsorsaide.org/Downloads.htm

http://www.rewritables.net/cybriety/banner_&_image_gallery.htm

http://www.12stepclipart.50megs.com/

http://spot.colorado.edu/~hauserg/ArEmotList.htm

http://www.12step.org/tools/step-worksheets.html

http://thesponsorsaide.org/12StepWorksheets.htm

http://home.capecod.net/~rogerg/_RECOVERY.html

http://www.rc-rc.info/downloads.html

Taking Action

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us–sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.” (Alcoholics Anonymous Page 84)

Sobriety, much like the Sanity that will inevitably follow after it, are achievable for any individual who puts their mind to the program, puts faith into action by not just speaking the understanding of the program, but by living the understanding. The living of the 12 steps is a day by day process. In NA, they say “One Day At A Time“.

I know some critics of the program, and let me tell you that anyone who is critical of the program has never truly worked it. There is no man or woman, who is brutally Honest, Open-minded and Willing to work the program, who will be able to deny its effectiveness. The promises of Sobriety are real. I know of myself that progress in many forms, are made on a daily (Short term) and even monthly (long term) basis.

After 30 days were under my belt, I gained some larger measure of confidence, and that confidence built a foundation of which was easier to look back and remember the large effort it took to get there- whenever those moments of impaired judgement, or stinking thinking – poked their ugly heads out.

We will get what we put into this program, so the question is a matter of whether you and I are willing to take action, and to keep taking action, day by day. We will always be addicts or alcoholics, but that doesnt mean that we are doomed to have to use. Help is available to anyone who actively seeks it.

Honesty. Open-mindedness. Willingness.

withdrawal…

I had no idea that withdrawal from alcohol could be this scary.  When my husband was going through it (I was already upset with him so might not have been as compassionate as I probably could have been) it seemed bad but I was not worried about him getting very sick.  Little did I know that alcohol withdrawal syndrome could very well be fatal.

Alcohol withdrawal syndrome is the set of symptoms seen when an individual reduces or stops alcohol consumption after prolonged periods of excessive alcohol intake. Excessive abuse of alcohol leads to tolerance, physical dependence, and an alcohol withdrawal syndrome. The withdrawal syndrome is largely due to the central nervous system being in a hyper-excitable state. Unlike most withdrawals from other drugs, alcohol withdrawal can be fatal. The withdrawal syndrome can include seizures and delirium tremens and may lead to excito-neurotoxicity.

I had two seizures caused by low blood sugar, but while i was going through all the tests to make sure there wasn’t an underlying issue the dr told me that drinking high amounts of alcohol might very well prevent a seizure.  But the next day as you are coming down off the alcohol it can cause a seizure.  He said that since we are a town with a large university, he sees a lot of younger adults who have alcohol related seizures.  So, I already knew that was a possibility.

Some of the symptoms of this withdrawal syndrome can last for up to a year, they call this post acute withdrawal syndrome.  Some of the symptoms of the withdrawal syndrome are:

Although this may seem scary, what you are doing to your body is even more scary than this.  If you have been drinking to the point of sever damage to your heath, you might need medical assistance during the time you are trying to sober up.  I am so very thankful that my Husband came through most of his withdrawal symptoms alright.  He was very sick for a while and had a problem keeping things down.  he was also very home sick as he was not living at our home during that time.  He is eating well again and doesn’t seem to show many signs of prolonged withdrawals.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Restore..

Let’s break down step 2.

Step 2 –  Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Today I am going to work on the word that stands out to me, “restore”

re·store  (r-stôr, -str)

tr.v. re·stored, re·stor·ing, re·stores

1. To bring back into existence or use; reestablish: restore law and order.
2. To bring back to an original condition: restore a building. See Synonyms at revive.
3. To put (someone) back in a former position: restore the emperor to the throne.
4. To make restitution of; give back: restore the stolen funds.

To me restore means to bring it back to is intended beauty. So I asked my higher power to restore me to my intended state of sanity.  What is sane to me might not be the same for you, and what was my state of being crazy, might not seem crazy to you.  But that is what makes us who we are.  We are all different and all have our own needs, what binds us together is our unity and the want for sobriety and serenity.  AA, Al-Anon, Alateen and the rest of the 12 steps groups all rely on unity.

 

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

My fortune cookie…

At one of my lunches this week I got a fortune cookiethat said:

An unopened fortune cookie

The real test in life is not in keeping out of the rough, but in getting out after you are in.

I really like this one.  It’s not about how many times I have avoided the rough, its how well I get up and brush myself off after.  Yes I

English: Sand trap, Kilspindie Small, perfectl...

Image via Wikipedia

might have some sand on my clothes and maybe even some dirt in my hair, but I made it out and am standing on my own two feet again.  I must learn that the path I just took was not the right one and get back on the correct path.  As long as I don’t go back the same way and keep ending up in the same hole.  Repeating the same action over and over expecting a different result every time is the definition of insanity.  I have had enough insanity in my life for a long time, I am covered.  So I have to make sure that I learn from my mistakes so I do not repeat them.

I repeated the same thing every day for 5 years expecting it to just automagicaly get better.  I waited for it to just be ok again, but I was not making any changes from within myself to do that.  I was slowly changing, but it was not for the better.  We both changed into people we didn’t like, but were almost trapped inside with out an escape plan.  I found the escape hatch that night in the AA meeting, I hit the release button and have looked forward ever since.  I do think back to those times, but only as a refection.  Just to see what there is to learn from it before I move on to the next thing.  I have to learn from the mistakes I already made.  Otherwise I might repeat them and I really don’t want that.

**as a side note – right after I wrote this my Hubby got home and started to talk about the same thing.  How repeating the same action expecting a different result is insanity.  I started to giggle and he kinda got upset.  I pulled it together so he could finish, I then told him that I had just wrote about that exact thing and then we both had a good laugh about it.**

As we near the closing of this month I wanted to touch back on step one before moving on to step 2.

We admitted we were powerless and that our lives had become unmanageable.

This is a two-part step, We admit to being powerless and then we admit that our lives had become unmanageable.  I am powerless over so many things including alcohol, and my life had

An assortment of Guatemalan worry dolls made f...

Image via Wikipedia

become unmanageable.  I have help keeping my life on track, I talk to my higher power.  I remember using worry dolls as a kid, they are small dolls that are used at night to soothe a person’s fears and worries, mostly children.  I guess they felt that if the child could tell the dolls and get it off their chest that it would help them feel better.  I can see how even as an adult, if you carry around guilt and worry then you have a heavy heart.

Its better to get it out before it grows and life has become unmanageable and now you feel over whelmed.  Even once re realize we have reached the point of unmanageable, we still feel we have power over it.  Till we admit to being powerless over it, it will still have its grasp on us while we fight to over power it.  It’s a snow ball that keep growing and growing, till one day you can’t move it anymore.  I take my little snowball while it is small enough to handle and hand it over to my higher power.

Decide, delegate and drop it.

That is another saying my husband got from his substance abuse class.  He said it has helped him a lot to not worry and stress over things.  I have been trying to do more “let go and Let God”  My higher power can help me overcome things that alone I would not be able to deal with.  Or maybe things I just need to say out-loud to figure out.  When I am in the car alone I will sometimes think out-loud and talk to my higher power about it.  Most of the times just doing that the answer will come to me and I feel like He really did help me see the answer.  It was there the whole time – I just didn’t see it.

Normal?

I hear everyone say this, and yes I am guilty of it myself.  But I hear so many people say “Things will get back to normal soon.”  Wait, what is normal, normal for who?  Cause my “normal” for the past few years has been a living nightmare, I don’t want to go back to that.  You know how I have started to look at it? Today is my new normal, till my next new normal.  I try really hard now not to say “normal”  cause I am not really even sure what that is anymore.  My normal is not your normal, and this normal that I am in right now is only good until my next normal.

My husband will ask me how I feel, so I will tell him my head hurts.  He turns to me and says “Normal then, huh?”  Yup, this has been my normal for many years.  Constant pain in my head that just builds and builds.  I am not happy with this normal, it’s not something I find joy in.  But it is a “normal” or natural state for me to be in.  I have a wonderful Dr now who is also a person who suffers from migraines so she understands.

You might ask yourself, how can I move past this part in my life, what will I do now?  You will find other things to take up your time. We have been working on our house, playing with the dogs, hubby has been messing with his cars and when we get a little lost – we go to a meeting.  Going to meetings helps so much, I could never understand that before.  I could not wrap my head around why my husband was going to more AA meetings that he was required to, till I went.  Now I fully understand the want or really the need to go.  I find myself getting back on track with each meeting, another one of my ducks falls back into line.  They had been running amok for quite some time.

So if you find yourself saying “back to normal” just remember, it’s just the next new normal.

nor·mal [ náwrm’l ]
  1. usual: conforming to the usual standard, type, or custom
  2. healthy: physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy
  3. occurring naturally: maintained or occurring in a natural state

A few updates…

My husband has 7 months down and counting! I am so very proud of him and look forward to celebrating 9 months in March.  Then the big 1 year in June – it will be a very fantastic mile stone for him.  My BFF will be 30 days sober on Monday and will be leaving the treatment center to go home that day.  I wish I could be there to give him a hug and tell him how very proud I am.  But I just have to sen my love and prayers long distance.  I know my higher power will make sure they are delivered safe and sound.

I look forward to start taking an in-depth look into step two next month, Each step is like the step up the stair case of my recovery.  The best part of Dec and step twelve, that means we get to start all over and make sure we touch back with the very first step.  Always trying to remember that I am powerless over the alcohol and that my life was unmanageable.  It is becoming a bit more manageable every day that alcohol is out of my life.

I am powerless, but not hopeless or helpless.  Also this December I will be getting my one year Al-Anon chip.  I can not wait to hold that little reminder in my hand of just how far I have come.  But for now, I will take it one day at a time and work on the now.  I can not worry about something that has not happened yet, I can look forward to it but not let it dictate my life.  The what if game and the OMG lets freak out game has to come to an end.

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