Tag Archive: Boston

Missing Husband: Episode 4

On the last episode of missing husband I had just gotten back from my horrific trip to Boston and we were on the mend…

I had read bits of AA’s The Big Book and had not really given much thought to it.  I always asked him how the AA meetings went and he never wanted to talk about it with me.  Same with his classes.  I felt slighted and left out, but I was trying to stay focused on letting go of things.  We took a marriage 911 class and it seemed to really help.  Thanksgiving was here so fast and Christmas was right around the corner.  Ok so here comes December, the month where Hubby was going to get his Chip.  I had talked with him about going and he seemed excited.

We got there and I was a bit nervous, what had he told these people about me.  Had he told them all how horrible I had been.  So, I sat down right next to him and was so nervous I was not sure if I was even breathing anymore.  They went around the room “Hello my name is ___ and I am an Alcoholic.” Oh crap, I am not an alcoholic, what do I say!  I know Hubby and I had talked about this, but for the life of me I could not remember.  I heard my Husband’s calm steady voice ring out as he introduced himself and my whole body began to tremble.  Why the heck was I so damn nervous, these people all seems so nice.  Ok girl, get your crap together cause it’s now our turn.  I looked up and said as calmly as i could, “Hello my Name is Courtney, and I am the spouse of an Alcoholic.”  There I did it.  They all rang out with “Hello Courtney, glad that you are here” I got so many smiles and looks of happiness from the others in the room.

I let out a big sigh from the breath I had been holding and the man sitting to my right looked at me and smiled.  My husband had told me after I met this man that he was very nice and one of the people he was close to.  Good then I was sitting in the right spot.  After the meeting I met the Lady who ran the Al-Anon meetings.  She was so nice and so inviting, that I told her I would be back the next week for the Al-Anon meeting.  And I had truly meant it this time.  It was not like all the times that I had told my husband I was going to go one day.

The next week we went to the Thursday night meetings.  He went to AA and I went to Al-Anon.  He was going to the Sunday AA meetings but they were closed meetings.  With The holidays being on Sundays this year we decided to go to the Thursday night meetings together.  I was just as nervous for my Al-Anon meeting as I had been for the AA meeting.  But my nervousness was for nothing.  The second I sat down they welcomed me with hugs and open arms.  I had my Friend come with me cause I was scared to go alone.

So that pretty much brings this missing husband part to a close, I found my husband one night at a AA meeting.  I am sure that he will say the same thing, that his wife came back to him one night after a AA meeting.  We have both been lost.

Missing Husband: Episode 3

So during the last episode of missing husband, we left off with me acting like a spoiled upset brat…

I was content with playing this women scorn bit.  I was bitter, angry, resentful and hurt.  Somehow he had to pay for what he had done to me, and I couldn’t see how much of a (excuse my foulness here) Bitch I was being.  No wonder my family had taken his side, he was the better of the two to deal with at the moment.  He had been sober for three months now and was on the mend, while I was still on the war path.  I remember sitting with him one night and he looked over at me and said something that snapped me out of my self pity party.  “You have become someone I wouldn’t even like to date right now.” He got up and walked back into the house.  I sat there for a while with smoke coming out of my ears.  (in reality it was from the fact I was chain smoking at this point)  How dare he say that to me, he has to make all this up to me.

At this point a legal separation had already been discussed, and things looked bleak.  So I did some soul-searching and found that we had no idea what it felt like to be in the others place.  He had thought that mine had been all sunshine and roses while he was out of the house, and to me he had a free ride at someone’s house.  So, I decided to take a trip back east to see a friend.  I would be gone for 6 days and we would both have time and space to think.  I had asked him to come back to the bed room a few nights before I left on my trip.  This was so we could spend more time together and the dogs would get used to him sleeping in the bed with them.  They had kinda got used to taking up half the bed by this time.

So, off I went on my trip to clear my head.  I had to go from AZ – LAX – DC – Boston.  When we got to DC the weather had gotten so bad that I ended up missing my flight to Boston and had to spend the next 12 hrs at the airport.  I survived on Coffee and donuts.  I did however make some very wonderful friends in the smoking room of the DC airport.  By the time I got to Boston I was ready to just come back home.  I was in the need of a shower, food and a bed.  What I got was a bathroom floor and being sick for two days.  I cut my trip short and came home 2 days early.  I had seen 5 airports in 4 days – If I fly again in the next 10 years it will be too soon.

Hubby had been so supportive while I was stuck in the air port, and then sick as a dog for the rest of the trip.  He had told me just to get a sooner flight home and he would be there at the air port.  Sure enough he was, even had a snack and a drink for me in the car.  I had gotten to see a bit of what he had gone through.  I was miles away from home, unable to get to any bed let alone my own bed.  I had no contact with anyone I loved other than by phone and surrounded by strangers.  That was a feeling I never wanted to have again.

He got to see a little of what I had to do.  I had to take the dogs out all by myself, feed them, get my lunch together and my own coffee.  i had to make dinner and eat it alone, and sleep all alone.  He said he see’s now why I was so upset about being left alone all the time.  We had seen eye to eye for the first time during all of this.  Two months from this point was when he was going to get his 6 month coin.  I had at that moment decided that I was going to go with him to get his 6 month chip.  Life started to get better and better.  But there was still a little monster of guilt and anger between us.

To be continued…

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