Tag Archive: Disorders


Co-dependency – Part 1

This is a 5 part Post on Co-dependency.

Part 1 of 5

Every time I mention to someone that I had a Co-dependency to my husband’s drinking they try to talk me out of thinking that way.  I found a list of patternsto help figure out if the co-dependency is there.  I was a little amazed looking through the list.  I had a few of these patterns, OK more like a lot of these patterns.

Panic attack

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Denial patterns:

  • I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
  • I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
  • I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
  • I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
  • I label others with my negative traits.
  • I can take care of myself without any help from others.
  • I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
  • I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
  • I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted.

I can say that I would try to hide my pain and I would isolate myself and then have anger and sadness for being alone.  I would take care of others before ever taking care of myself and didn’t want any help taking care of myself either.  I never wanted to feel helpless or that I needed someone that much.  I sure as heck didn’t want my husband to know the extent of the pain I was in all the time.  I never wanted him to think I was getting sick and then leave me.  I remember him saying a few times to me that my Dad was a strong person being right by my mom through all of her illness and that he is not sure he could do it.  Well hello panic!  I would have anxiety attacks about having to go to the hospital or the Dr for something cause he was going to run at any time, I would think to myself.  So instead I would just spend all of my time taking care of him and make sure he never knew I was in pain.

To be continued…

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!


To thine own self be true…

To thine own self be true…
I didn’t understand how I could have let myself get so good at telling lies that I started to believe them myself.  And if I couldn’t even be true to myself, then who could I be true to?  I told myself that he didn’t have a drinking problem.  I told myself that this was how my life was just going to be and there was nothing I could do.  I told myself many times that I was happy and that everything was ok.  I also told myself that it was all his fault and there was no way any of this was cause of me.  Well remember that snow ball thing, I did this cause he did that and he did that more cause I did this.  It’s not healthy and it doesn’t make anyone happy.  So why did I do it?  Its part of the alcoholism and part of my co-dependency.

hon·es·ty

noun, plural -ties.

1.the quality or fact of being honest;  uprightness and fairness.
2.truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.
3.freedom from deceit or fraud.

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