Tag Archive: Dozer


2013 so far…

 

Yesterday I sent off the application for our adoption/foster care adventure.  Devereux Arizona is the center that we are going through, they have been so wonderful.  They guide you through each step and make sure you understand everything.

 

I think I might start yet another blog.  This one is all about recovery, so adoption stuff really has no place here.  I will post updates now and then because it is a part of our recovery.  I do have two other blogs.  I have Dozer’s blog and then my Rants and Stories blog.  Court’s Royal Corner is not the place for the adoptions stuff….so to start another blog or not to start another blog.  I know 3 blogs are hard enough…4 is crazy!  But I feel like there might be people out there who want to hear about adoption or foster care.  I know I went looking for information when we started to talk about it.  What do you all think – should I start another blog?

 

On the recovery front, I didn’t make it to my meeting last night, we tried to quit smoking and hubby is not doing as well with it.  His Job is stressful and he is worried about the projects he is doing here at the house.  I think the adoption stuff is stressing him out a bit too.  So we decided not to go last night, plus it was cold and windy – I didn’t want to leave my warm spot on the sofa.  I am sad that last month was my one year and they didn’t give me a coin.  In AA they ask who has 24 hours, 30 days, multi months, 1 years and so on…   But in my Al-Anon group they just know who has how long and in what month – it’s listed on our phone list.  Well I didn’t get mine and it hurt.  Why should I have to ask for mine?  But that is not Al-anon thinking.  So next week, I will have to figure out how to mention it in the meeting without showing the hurt that I feel inside.  I feel almost like a child, “I want my coin!” But that little round symbol is the symbol of my recovery.  To others its just a coin, but to me it is so much more.  That coin shows that I was able to stick to something, learn from others, make a life change.

 

One year in recovery for me also means one year for this blog.  That makes me so happy to think about all my readers, all of you who add comments, all the support that I have gotten, and all the support I have been able to offer.  It’s what recovery is all about to me.  The support we offer each other, the compassion for another human being who is suffering at that moment and is in need of our help.  Even if that help is just having someone say – “wow that sucks, I am sorry that happened to you”

 

I have been told I need to stop saying I am sorry for things that I have no control over.  I am not taking responsibility for the thing that happened or even trying to personalize it.  It’s just me saying “wow, that sucks and I am sorry that happened to you”  I guess I am alone in the want to have this said to me.  I wish for once someone would just say that to me.  I don’t say what is going on in my head all the time, I don’t say that I am depressed, in pain, sad, angry, upset…what have ya.  If I did I would never shut up about it.  I am in pain ALL the time, I am sad a lot, I stress about money, I stress over if hubby is happy or not, I stress over my health, over if I can pay for my medications that month or not, if we will every really become parents or not, if hubby will freak out and tell me no – tell Devereux we changed our minds.

 

What he said last night really hurt me, and I had no idea how to even tell him.  So I just dropped it.  Sometimes I have to pick my battles, and it wasn’t worth it last night.  There was no reason to engage in a fight, I just let him vent and get it off his chest.  Does it still hurt even though I try not to personalize it, hell yes.  Am I able to let go of it fully? still not able to let things go 100% yet.  But I am working on it.

 

Anyways – I hope you all have a blessed day, Keep praying that we get into the Jan 23rd class.  I love you and God does too!

 

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Monday…

Three strips of Oscar Mayer brand turkey bacon...

Three strips of Oscar Mayer brand turkey bacon cooking in a skillet. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.  Mine was somewhat Uneventful.  For the most part we just did our normal hanging out at the house.  Saturday morning Mom and I got our nails done, she is able to go back to work today(Monday) so I know she was going to be in a good mood this weekend.  We did some grocery shopping after that and then I got home and rested.  We went and visited with a friend who we had not seen in a while.  Well, more like a few months.

Sunday involved our tradition of making turkey bacon, hubby cooks that.  Then I make the mini biscuits and some yummy country-style gravy.  After that were had our nice food comas on the sofa watching TV for a while.  Hubby had a lunch meeting, then we had dinner at my parent’s, got home and he left for his meeting.

I spent some of the weekend laid up on the sofa after Dozer kicked me in my right knee.  I should have had surgery on both of my knees years go but that required time off work and someone to take care of me.  Well at the time the person who would have been taking care of me was an active alcoholic and would have also had to take time off work.  So I have gone many years now with just dealing with the pain.  Saturday Dozer nailed me right in my knee cap.  Felt a little sore that night – but Sunday it hurt to walk around on it.  Today is not that bad, but then again I kinda just deal with it.  Just like my migraines, I just go one with life.
Anyways – I hope you all had an awesome weekend and blessed upcoming week.

What a summer so far…

 

It has been quite a summer.  We are still in our rainy season and the storms have hit hard in some parts of town.  They have been playing havoc with my migraines and I have had a lot more down time that I would like.  There have been some people in our life lately who have been more negative than positive and i am starting to thin out my facebook friends list and my phone contact list.

I have also been without internet at my house for about a week now so most of my surfing has been from my phone or while at work.  If my post have been a bit scarce and short that has been why.  Also have been working on my fourth step a lot and taking some classes.

Had to take my boxer to the vet on friday due to an allergic reaction to either the grass in the yard or a bug bite.  My hubby cut down the grass this morning so I hope that helps up my puffer dog.  We went through this last summer too.  I have also had to work some weekends, like i will have to work this Saturday to prep for a software change over.

My husband has been spending a lot of time working on a sandrail we traded his quad for.  Its been an uphill battle for him and has been a pandora’s box of fun.  I go through moments when i get depressed over the amount of time he spends with it vs with me.  But i have to remember that he needs his own time as well.  I just wish I could a little of the time for us time.

Before the sandrail it was his truck, he used to go out there and drink so maybe i feel like he is back to his old time issues without the drink.  But he is getting stuff down vs just drinking like he was before.  We used to spend every Friday night as date night, we have not done that in a very long time.  I am not asking for much, just one evening with no car stuff, just him and I, a movie and dinner.  Its not like i am even asking for a whole day.

We used to make breakfast on sundays, have not done that in a few weeks either.  I guess i just honestly miss my husband and am unsure how to express it to him without sounding needy.  I drop hints, but then i usually get upset and i ruin the time he does want to spend with me cause I am all weepy.

We got in a bit of a fight when i took Dozer to the vet cause it was very stormy that night and i was 45 mins from the house and he was worried about us being out in the storms.  I wish he would have voiced concern more than anger, but he is still a work in progress.  Its not about perfection its about progress.  And i have to remember that.  I should have waited for him to get home but i got there before 6pm so i didn’t get an emergency charge.

I still feel a bit of loss in my heart over not having a child yet at this point in our life, but our money situation still is not good and we seem to still be in a bit of a hole.  I know that fostering will help us cause they give us money for the care of the child, but we still have work to do on the house and our marriage.  We are in a much better place in our marriage than we ever have been, but it is still a work in progress too.

My husband is still moody and selfish sometimes and i have to make sure i don’t take anything out on him that is out of his control.  Going to meetings and talking with others has helped.

There are still toxic people in my life i have to deal with daily and its part of my own struggle not to let their toxic actions poison my life.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does to.

 

I am heart broken…

 

very sad day for the Barnes family – my heart and prayers go out to you – I can not express how my heart breaks for them.  This sweet dog was kept in a cell for 2 years for no reason and then was put to sleep just because he was a bulldog mix – they considered it to be a pit bull type breed so he was killed and they didn’t let the family see him or collect his body.  the 7-year-old lab bull-dog mix had a sweet gentle personality yet they killed him anyways.  in 7 years he never hurt a soul, they just killed him.  after being begged to let him be transferred to the US they denied this sweet baby his life.  Belfast City Council – you have shown no mercy, no heart, no kindness at all.  I hope the family relocates and is able to heal from this tragic event.  If you are the praying type of person, please join me, my husband, Dozer, Portia and Gizmo is Praying for this family and for the eternal rest of poor sweet Lennox.  RIP you sweet boy – your family tried their best – the whole world tried to free you – I never knew you but love you just as I do my own babies.  PLEASE – do not judge a breed for rumors of what some have done.  They skip stories of poodles and other “family” dogs biting kids and hurting owners.  A dog is only as nasty as we make them.  If showered with love, and snuggled and cuddled – they can be the sweetest things.  I have a 60lbs lap dog, Dozer my boxer who is the biggest baby.  I made him that way.  Abused, neglected dogs, or dogs who were made to fight other dogs – those poor souls were mistreated by the ones who were supposed to love and care for them.  They are a product of their environment and we treat an entire breed badly for it.  I have learned that people will act the way they were raised and so will animals – they don’t know any different.  They killed this poor creature just because he is a “type” of dog that they considered dangerous – not from the actions of the animal.

 

Dozer to the rescue…

I have a 1 and a 1/2-year-old Boxer named Dozer and he saved my life this weekend.  In a panic Dozer was running from me (watching tv in the living room) to the kitchen and making noise like he wanted me to get up.  I thought he was just out of water so I took my time getting up.  Well as soon as I walked into the kitchen the smell of propane hit me. I called hubby who was out in the shop to come in and help me find the leak. The pilot light on the stove went out and so propane was leaking into the kitchen.  So Dozer saved the day!  I am blessed to have him and he has been the joy in my life since I saw him when he was 3 days old.  out of 10 pups only 3 made it, so we are very blessed to have him to light up our lives.  He makes me smile and laugh everyday.  He is the most loving and affectionate dog I have EVER had.  if you are looking for a fun, happy, LOVING dog, get a boxer!!

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Dozer playing with Ice summer 2011

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