Tag Archive: drinking

Missing Husband: Episode 3

So during the last episode of missing husband, we left off with me acting like a spoiled upset brat…

I was content with playing this women scorn bit.  I was bitter, angry, resentful and hurt.  Somehow he had to pay for what he had done to me, and I couldn’t see how much of a (excuse my foulness here) Bitch I was being.  No wonder my family had taken his side, he was the better of the two to deal with at the moment.  He had been sober for three months now and was on the mend, while I was still on the war path.  I remember sitting with him one night and he looked over at me and said something that snapped me out of my self pity party.  “You have become someone I wouldn’t even like to date right now.” He got up and walked back into the house.  I sat there for a while with smoke coming out of my ears.  (in reality it was from the fact I was chain smoking at this point)  How dare he say that to me, he has to make all this up to me.

At this point a legal separation had already been discussed, and things looked bleak.  So I did some soul-searching and found that we had no idea what it felt like to be in the others place.  He had thought that mine had been all sunshine and roses while he was out of the house, and to me he had a free ride at someone’s house.  So, I decided to take a trip back east to see a friend.  I would be gone for 6 days and we would both have time and space to think.  I had asked him to come back to the bed room a few nights before I left on my trip.  This was so we could spend more time together and the dogs would get used to him sleeping in the bed with them.  They had kinda got used to taking up half the bed by this time.

So, off I went on my trip to clear my head.  I had to go from AZ – LAX – DC – Boston.  When we got to DC the weather had gotten so bad that I ended up missing my flight to Boston and had to spend the next 12 hrs at the airport.  I survived on Coffee and donuts.  I did however make some very wonderful friends in the smoking room of the DC airport.  By the time I got to Boston I was ready to just come back home.  I was in the need of a shower, food and a bed.  What I got was a bathroom floor and being sick for two days.  I cut my trip short and came home 2 days early.  I had seen 5 airports in 4 days – If I fly again in the next 10 years it will be too soon.

Hubby had been so supportive while I was stuck in the air port, and then sick as a dog for the rest of the trip.  He had told me just to get a sooner flight home and he would be there at the air port.  Sure enough he was, even had a snack and a drink for me in the car.  I had gotten to see a bit of what he had gone through.  I was miles away from home, unable to get to any bed let alone my own bed.  I had no contact with anyone I loved other than by phone and surrounded by strangers.  That was a feeling I never wanted to have again.

He got to see a little of what I had to do.  I had to take the dogs out all by myself, feed them, get my lunch together and my own coffee.  i had to make dinner and eat it alone, and sleep all alone.  He said he see’s now why I was so upset about being left alone all the time.  We had seen eye to eye for the first time during all of this.  Two months from this point was when he was going to get his 6 month coin.  I had at that moment decided that I was going to go with him to get his 6 month chip.  Life started to get better and better.  But there was still a little monster of guilt and anger between us.

To be continued…

Missing Husband: Episode 1

For a while I felt like I had lost my husband.  I am not quite sure where he had gone, or exactly when I had lost him.  I kept searching and searching for my lost love, but he had been replaced by a man who looked just like my husband – but was not him in the slightest.  The longer I would look at him or hear his voice the more and more he started to seem like a stranger.  He really didn’t look like my husband after all.  He was angry all the time and had no laughter or love in his eyes.  He no longer sounded like my husband, all he did was yell and cuss and say nasty things.  I no longer cared if he spent almost all evening outside in his shop.  I would eat all my meals alone, I would watch TV and movies alone.  Sometimes I even fell asleep in an empty bed.  I would wake up in the middle of the night and find him passed out and snoring in my husband’s chair.

Every once in a while, my husband would show up.  He would laugh, smile, hug me and say he loved me.  I would have these glimmers of hope that maybe, just maybe he was coming back to me.  These glimpses of my husband, who was trapped inside the mind of this bully that was living in my home were getting shorter and shorter.  It was like there was this evil twin side to my husband and he was taking over.  Like a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde thing, the longer he drank the potion (beer) to become Mr Hyde, the longer and longer the effect would have.  I had feared that if too much time had passed that I might never see my Dr Jekyll (hubby) again.  The names he would call me, the things he would yell while we were having a fight were horrific.  I am not sure when I lost my spine, but the second he would start yelling, it would run away like a smacked dog, leaving my to stare at him with a blank look on my face.

I didn’t dare say anything that could set him off more, I never thought he would do anything to directly cause me harm, but he had admitted that when he got upset enough he would black out.  Most of the time after he got it all off his chest he would hold me and I would cry.  He would promise never to do it again and life went on very nice and happy for a while.  Last spring He broke his hand during a drunken moment of bad judgement.

For almost a month after that he had not touched a single drop of alcohol.  I was so proud, YES – see he can do this.  What I failed to see at that time was that he was taking the pain killers the Dr had giving him.  He didn’t need the alcohol, the pain killers were doing the trick of making him numb.  So when the pain meds ran out and the cast came off, he started to drink again.  But this time it was much slower and he was calmer about it.  I thought, ok see, no big deal.

To be continued….

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