Tag Archive: FaceBook


Toxic people = Toxic waste…

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

I love how people can not talk to you over something that happened – yet talk to people who still to this day are toxic.  Oh, that’s probably because they still partake in toxic behavior themselves.  I think I need to do some FB house cleaning.  If I would not want you in my home, why do I let you look into my life through Facebook.  Not happy about a few things right now and will take some time to decide whats worth getting upset over, whats worth just walking away from.  If you have not made any effort to see if you “friend” is ok in well over 6 months – then whats the point of calling me your good friend.  Yes, I mention God, Yes I mention Serenity, Sobriety, Faith, Love, Happiness and The Fact that I love my husband with all my heart.  Some people would rather live Toxic, self-pity filled destructive lives – not even sure if you can call it living really.  And I have been there – I was on that train to no where, I got off and I have never looked back.  I guess that now with almost 7 months of recovery and working on my 4th step – I can look at who I want in my life, and who I don’t.  Bryan and I are also going to push forward with fostering – and if you are toxic, I don’t want you around my child.  I have to think about the people who will potentially be in her life.  Not saying that only sober people can be in my life – but I am finding that the ones who are Toxic and unwilling to better their lives just make me go down that path of being crazy again.  I will no longer harm my serenity or state of mind just to watch you slowly kill your self.

Doing step work has taken a lot of my time lately – also my fourth step has taken a lot of my mental energy away from me.  Not making excuses as to why I have not been here that often my faithful readers, just letting you into whats been going on lately.  I had to dive deep into myself and look at who I really was.  I didn’t like the person I was there for a while.  Today I can look myself in the eyes in the mirror because I know I am trying my best.  Work has also been very busy, I have been working long hours and even a Saturday here and there.

For those of you who have been reading this a while, you know that I suffer from migraines.  Well one of my triggers is weather.  Right now in the southern part of Arizonawe are going

Humphreys Peak from I-40 in Arizona

Humphreys Peak from I-40 in Arizona (Photo credit: dherrera_96)

through our rainy season called Monsoon.  The storms build very fast and they are very strong – this causes my head to all of a sudden feel as if it will explode.  If you have migraines you might be able to understand when I say this – it feels like every nerve in my head fires at once in a pulsing pattern.  That keeps me from writing a lot lately as well.

We watched the movie “My name is Bill W” with James Woods that was made in 1989 – I highly recommend this movie!  I cried, I laughed, I could not believe that man lived through what he had done to his body.  I also gained some new insight into the mind of my husband.

There is also a new Movie out that is called “Bill W” and it is more of a documentary about the co-founder of AA.  It is playing in my hometown in Aug, and we are going to try to get a group of people together to go see it.

as part of my new self, I am going to try to put aside time everyday to come here and share some things that are going on – in order to keep my serenity I have to share it.  As Bill W said – he had to share it to keep it, and that’s what I have to do as well.  I feel better after a meeting, I feel better after getting things out on here – I feel better after talking to people about things going on in my life.  I need to find a sponsor and I know that when I am ready and when the right person is in my life that my higher power will tell me.  I pray about it everyday so I know he will guide me.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

 

 

 

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Fortune cookie says…

Men are apt to settle a question rightly when it is discussed freely.

To me this means that if you talk openly about something, it is more likely to get taken care of then if you are to drop hints.  I used to think I was really good at dropping hints, but sometimes they were taken the wrong way and I got myself into trouble.  If I want something, I need to just ask for it.  If I do not like something, I need to come right out and say it.  But still remember the other person’s feelings and word it in a way that still gets my point across but is not just plain mean.  Hurting someone is never my intention.  I used to just not say anything at all if I thought it would hurt someone.  And that was not good either.  Not telling someone something is just as worse as telling then just to hurt them.  Best thing to do is to just calmly discuss that it is in a way that is not an attack.

That’s what we used to be so good at, the attack.  He was better at it than I was, but me holding back was my response and in a way an attack.  I now have the tools I need to comunicate my feelings.  I can do so in a way that will cause minimal harm, if any.  I try to tell my husband as many times as I feel I need to tell him that I love him.  I never want that, oh I should have said it one more time.  He used to get made that I would say it too much.  Then after we had been separated and got back together, he told me I didn’t say it like I used to.  I told him well you told me I said it too much.  He said “You can say it as much as you want, I will not get tired of it.” so i say it as much as I feel the need to now.

I say I love you to many people in my life, there are friends that are so close to me that I do tell them I love them.  I see nothing wrong with telling someone other than your spouse that you love them, when you do not mean it in a romantic context.   I love you and God loves you too, that what I got from a friend.  “If nobody has told you they love you today, I do and God does too.”  I smile every time I see him post that on Facebook.  I just got the OK to start ending my posts with his saying.  So that is what I am going to do from here on out!

I try to remember everyday that things are not always what they seem…but more on that tomorrow.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Coffee and Prayers…

Coffee
Image by @Doug88888 via Flickr

Some mornings I am lucky enough to have my sweet hubby make a cup of coffee for me for my ride into work.  Other morning there is not enough time or we both forget, on these mornings I have to make my coffee when I get to work.  So while I make my coffee I take that time to talk to my higher power.  I ask questions, I get things off my chest or just voice some concerns.  Now I don’t say these things out loud cause well I might be deemed the crazy lady who talks to her coffee.  But I do have the thoughts in my head and picture the stress or anxiety leaving my body.  I take the problems that I can not handle alone and I pray for help.

“To Pray is to ask the questions, meditation is to hear the answers.”

I pray every morning and meditate every night. Not only do I get help with what I was praying for, but it also relaxes me to be able to fall asleep.  I have bad insomnia and spent most nights watching the ceiling fan go around.  Part of it is from the headaches, the pain never really goes away.  The other part is not being able to shut my brain off.  I get a song stuck in my head, an issue that has come up that day or week or just what I want to make for dinner the next day.  What ever the thought is, I just can not shut it off!  So sleep for me sometimes is just something I know nothing about.

So for me my morning coffee is very important, it wakes me up and gives me time to pause and talk to my higher power.  I have a friend who writes “coffee with god” on FaceBook, I start Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...every morning with reading it.  Usually while drinking my coffee.  His words are kind and helpful, and some days it seems that what he is talking about is directly related to how I feel that day.  It’s nice to know that I am not alone, that people out there are going through or feeling the same things I am.  For some being alone is the most scariest thing.  For others all they want is to be alone.

I am one who is not found of being alone, I used to be one who was petrified of it.  I thought there was now way I could live alone, how could I go on without someone being right there all the time.  This summer I found out that I can very well live on my own.  Did I like it? NO!  did I survive? Yes!  Was it hard? You bet!  But I did it and so its not just the fear of being alone that is keeping me right where I am, its the love for him that keeps up together.  It’s a bond that runs deeper than just that of a husband and wife, we are truly connected again.  Its still hard, and we still make each other crazy.  But the ups are much higher now and much longer where the downs are much short and not so deep.

Don’t give up hope, if love is there and you have a good foundation – you can come out of this together.  We walked from the flames hand and hand, our bond and love stronger than ever.  Yes we had some chared edges and some scars.  But wounds heal, scars fade and together we will pull from each others strengths.  We have our recovery programs, we have each other, we have faith in a higher power, we let go and let god.

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