Tag Archive: guilt


Guilt/blame

behavioral self-blame – undeserved blame based on actions. Victims who experience behavioral self-blame feel that they should have done something differently, and therefore feel at fault.

I felt this a lot, like somehow I deserved what was happening to me.  I let it happen, but it was not my fault or something I deserved.  I know that a lot of you out there feel the same.  I hear it night after night in group or in the articles I read.  I used to think God was punishing me for something.  God doesn’t punish us, but he will tap you on the shoulder and say “Hey, you are not listening!”  It sometimes takes a few taps to get my attention.

My husband was such a good drinker, that he could make you feel bad for him and almost agree with him drinking.  He had a bad day at work – ok go have a drink.  His parents disowned him – ok go have a drink.  He would even get people to feel bad and join in with his drinking.  If anyone was cutting down or trying to stop he would succeed almost every-time to get them to drink with him.  Heck, he even got me to drink a few beers with him and I HATE the taste of beer.

If this sounds at all like what you have seen or gone through, never fear, you are not alone!  This is part of the alcoholic brain, they are able to get you to feel sorry for them or mad at them.  Either way they can use your emotion as a reason to give themselves permission to drink.  They give themselves permission to drink and get drunk cause of something someone else did, said or made them feel.

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My Second Al-Anon meeting…12-29-11

I leave there with such a good feeling.  It’s like nothing I felt before.  We have fun, we laugh, we share stories and we bond.  My Al-Anon family has become a very important part of my week.  They keep talking to me about finding a sponsor *sigh* not sure how to even go about asking for one.  I would kinda like the lady who runs our meetings to be my sponsor, but not sure how she would feel about that.  My husband doesn’t have a sponsor yet either, I am not sure he knows how to go about getting one either.  It seems I have to be the one to ask the other person, sometimes I wish they would just come up to me – hey I want to be your sponsor.  But like so many other things in life you have to take the bull by the horns as they say.  I got a little sticker/bookmark from a lady in my group.  I was telling a story about how my grandmother is going through a hard time with her husband who has been a bad drinker and now has dementia because of it.  Her guilt is preventing her from taking him to a home.  She can not take care of him like he needs to be and he yells at her all the time.  She is sad and stressed and I don’t like it one bit.  But anyways, a lady in my group passed on to me a little sticker that says “Screw Guilt”  I love it!!  I let go of my guilt over Bryan’s drinking.  It’s in the past, I can’t change it, why stress over it.  I had no control over it, so just LET GO!  Let go and let God!!

Words from another blogger about sponsor

 

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