Tag Archive: Happiness


happy…

“We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn’t do it.”

 

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Toxic people = Toxic waste…

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

I love how people can not talk to you over something that happened – yet talk to people who still to this day are toxic.  Oh, that’s probably because they still partake in toxic behavior themselves.  I think I need to do some FB house cleaning.  If I would not want you in my home, why do I let you look into my life through Facebook.  Not happy about a few things right now and will take some time to decide whats worth getting upset over, whats worth just walking away from.  If you have not made any effort to see if you “friend” is ok in well over 6 months – then whats the point of calling me your good friend.  Yes, I mention God, Yes I mention Serenity, Sobriety, Faith, Love, Happiness and The Fact that I love my husband with all my heart.  Some people would rather live Toxic, self-pity filled destructive lives – not even sure if you can call it living really.  And I have been there – I was on that train to no where, I got off and I have never looked back.  I guess that now with almost 7 months of recovery and working on my 4th step – I can look at who I want in my life, and who I don’t.  Bryan and I are also going to push forward with fostering – and if you are toxic, I don’t want you around my child.  I have to think about the people who will potentially be in her life.  Not saying that only sober people can be in my life – but I am finding that the ones who are Toxic and unwilling to better their lives just make me go down that path of being crazy again.  I will no longer harm my serenity or state of mind just to watch you slowly kill your self.

Doing step work has taken a lot of my time lately – also my fourth step has taken a lot of my mental energy away from me.  Not making excuses as to why I have not been here that often my faithful readers, just letting you into whats been going on lately.  I had to dive deep into myself and look at who I really was.  I didn’t like the person I was there for a while.  Today I can look myself in the eyes in the mirror because I know I am trying my best.  Work has also been very busy, I have been working long hours and even a Saturday here and there.

For those of you who have been reading this a while, you know that I suffer from migraines.  Well one of my triggers is weather.  Right now in the southern part of Arizonawe are going

Humphreys Peak from I-40 in Arizona

Humphreys Peak from I-40 in Arizona (Photo credit: dherrera_96)

through our rainy season called Monsoon.  The storms build very fast and they are very strong – this causes my head to all of a sudden feel as if it will explode.  If you have migraines you might be able to understand when I say this – it feels like every nerve in my head fires at once in a pulsing pattern.  That keeps me from writing a lot lately as well.

We watched the movie “My name is Bill W” with James Woods that was made in 1989 – I highly recommend this movie!  I cried, I laughed, I could not believe that man lived through what he had done to his body.  I also gained some new insight into the mind of my husband.

There is also a new Movie out that is called “Bill W” and it is more of a documentary about the co-founder of AA.  It is playing in my hometown in Aug, and we are going to try to get a group of people together to go see it.

as part of my new self, I am going to try to put aside time everyday to come here and share some things that are going on – in order to keep my serenity I have to share it.  As Bill W said – he had to share it to keep it, and that’s what I have to do as well.  I feel better after a meeting, I feel better after getting things out on here – I feel better after talking to people about things going on in my life.  I need to find a sponsor and I know that when I am ready and when the right person is in my life that my higher power will tell me.  I pray about it everyday so I know he will guide me.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

 

 

 

Our lives – now sober.

“I don’t like the way alcohol made me feel, I like the way it didn’t make me feel”  The words of my husband.  He told me he didn’t like the taste and didn’t like how it made him feel, but he liked how it made him not feel things.  “I said what I wanted to say and that was it.”  He didn’t have to care how the other person felt, even if it was me.  Some of the people in our lives never even knew there was a problem.  We got good at playing the game.  We knew how to play off how happy we were and how much we loved each other.  The loving each other wasn’t an act, but the way we showed each other our love was not healthy.  To most we were happy and laid back, we would get home and it was WWIII.  When we first started to date I used to mouth right back at him, but after getting shot down so much I started not to care for the fight anymore.  It was much better to pick my battles and just keep my mouth shut.  I was making me happier, or so I thought.  But truthfully I was angry, alone and frustrated.  I was lost and had forgot my map. “Use GPS Court.” Well it seems my GPS had one too many beers most nights.

Now – we are each others guiding lights.  He found recovery and then helped me find mine.  We have never been this happy and it’s for real.  We sit in bed and look at the internet together.  That used to be a big fight, I spent too much time online.  Well, it was my only out let and he left me alone so much, I found something to fill me time.  He helps me with my thoughts for the blog when my brain runs away at 100 miles per hour.  Something that happens a lot with my ADD.  Good thing about writing the blog, it helps me focus and practice those skills.

“The light at the end of the tunnel is no longer a freight train.”  He said to me tonight and I have to agree.  For once it seems that life is as it should be.  It is still hard but it’s not such an uphill battle.  We spend time working on the house, we play with the dogs and we watch movies.  Fridays are our date nights, we never used to have a date night.  We make little home-made pizzas and then watch a DVD.  Might not sound like much to you, but after almost not having him in my life anymore, these are the best nights.  There is hope, never give up!  I have faith in my heart, its full of love for the 2 men in my life.  My husband and my Higher power.  God Bless!!

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