Tag Archive: Health


Never take your health for granted…

**Update** The 5mm Polyp they found was not cancerous!

 

So back in July I had a Dr appointment and it was brought to my attention that since my mother had Colon Cancer in her 30’s that it might be a good idea that I have a colonoscopy done since I just turned 30.  I was also diagnosed with IBS.  IBS and ulcerative colitis (what my mom and grandmother have) have very similar symptoms.

Ulcerative colitis (UL-sur-uh-tiv koe-LIE-tis) is an inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) that causes long-lasting inflammation in part of your digestive tract.

What I have is IBS or Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is a disorder of the intestines. It causes belly pain, cramping or bloating, and diarrhea or constipation. Irritable bowel syndrome is a long-term problem, but there are things you can do to reduce your symptoms.

so- last week Wed was the last day that week that I got to eat “normal” food.  I couldn’t eat lettuce, cabbage or corn for 3 days prior.  Thursday it was a clear liquid diet.

The following foods are allowed in a clear liquid diet:

  • Plain water
  • Fruit juices without pulp, such as apple juice, grape juice or cranberry juice
  • Strained lemonade or fruit punch
  • Clear, fat-free broth (bouillon or consomme)
  • Clear sodas
  • Plain gelatin
  • Honey
  • Ice pops without bits of fruit or fruit pulp
  • Tea or coffee without milk or cream

I had Jello, chicken and beef bouillon, apple juice, Gatorade, Sprite and water.  Then at 5pm I had to start my prep.  I am going to share with you what I went through just to help with any fears that you might have about this test or the prep.  I found a few blog post about it that helped me through.

5pm – Mix contents of one packet into 5 oz or water.  It tasted like warm Gatorade.  Wasn’t too bad and 5 oz was easy to drink fast.  I think had to drink 8 oz of clear liquid over the next 3 hours.  No Problem.

6pm – Still not having to go to the bathroom, but my stomach was talking to me.  I had that bubbly feeling like if you are very hungry and have gas.  But it didn’t hurt and wasn’t all that uncomfortable.

6:30pm – I had the good sense to stay close to the bathroom and was able to run in there when the feeling struck me.  I was not stuck in the bath room for quite a while.  I started with the bathroom door shut to have this time to myself and not have my husband have to share with this whole experience with me.

7pm – I have moved beyond having the door closed and am now asking hubby to bring me more things to drink, Dozer had been crying outside the bathroom door and now that he could come see me he was much better.

7:30pm – it was starting to slow down now and I feel as if I might be able to spend a few moments walking around and be in the kitchen for a little bit.  Have to mix up my next dose at 8pm.

7:45pm – back in the bathroom, I will go back to the kitchen shortly to make my 8pm dose and maybe have some jello.

8pm – Mixing the last dose and it was harder this time to drink down the 5 oz of hot Gatorade.  I was starting to not feel very well and my legs were hurting from sitting in the bathroom for this long.  I had some jello and went back to my cell for the next round.

8:15pm – I am feeling better again.  The sick feeling didn’t last for very long and I think the Jello helped my a little.

8:30pm – well we are back to it now, the second dose didn’t take as long to work its magic as the first one.

9pm – I am very tired and sore.  My back and legs are screaming at me.  Next time I am asking for a padded toilet seat.

9:30pm – I started asking google when it would be safe to go to bed after taking this prep.  I found most people were able to go to bed between 10pm and midnight.  I was now thinking that I should have also bought baby wipes.  All I can say is OUCH.

10pm – I make my way to bed, I get up about two more times to go to the bathroom before passing out for a little bit.  I was awake again at about 4am not able to sleep anymore.

5am – I started to get my mind ready for the day a head of me.

5:30am – alarm goes off like normal and we slowly get up and hubby takes the dogs out.  We had to time our bathroom breaks so we were not rushing the other person.

6:10am – on our way to the surgical center.  I don’t have to be there till 7:15am, but we have a bit of a far drive.

6:50am – we are super early, but that is ok with me.  I wanted to be somewhere that had a bathroom.

? – not sure what time it was when they took me back, my procedure was scheduled at 8am.

? – the nurse who started my IV and asked me all kids of questions turned out to be someone I knew since elementary school.  Kinda neat to see her.

? – they came and got me and took me to the room where it was going to be done.  they hooked me up to all sorts of wires and put oxygen tube in my nose.  Not sure I have ever had that before.  It smelled funny.

? – they then had me roll on my left side and get all comfy.  well as comfortable as I was going to get with tubes and wires everywhere.  I saw the monitor and freaked out.  I told them I didn’t want to be awake at all for any of it.

? – they gave me a shot in my IV and told me to take a deep breath of the oxygen.  It smelled sweet and very strong fora second, then blackness.

? – I woke up to someone talking to me about making sure I passed the gas they had filled my insides with and she gave me a box of apple juice.

? – I started to cry cause that’s what I always do after having anesthesia

? – Bryan was brought back to see me, they told him I was crying and asking for him.  He knew that I was OK and that it was normal for me.

8:45am – (I think that is what time it was) I was able to get dressed and wait for the Dr.  He said they found and removed a 5mm polyp.  It was the type that would have turned to cancer had they not found it.  I should hear back from the pathology test on Friday.

So there ya go and there ya have it folks.  It was not that bad and I get to look forward to having it again in 5 years.  I am just so thankful that I didn’t talk myself out of it.  Cause trust me, I had tried.  Also found out that my Great Grandmother on my mom’s side died from Colon cancer.

With spring comes new life, new growth and for most of us – spring cleaning!  Its only fitting that the 4th step is also about cleaning out the cob webs.

Step 4:

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

I am still working on my 4th step and can’t believe that it’s been a year already that I have been working on it.  I should go back and see what I wrote a year ago.  See how much I have changed.  Filling out the adoption/foster care application was like doing a 4th step.  You had to go all the way back to your child hood and give them an insight into why you are the person you are today and if that person is the correct fit to be a parent of a child in need of a home.  I have taken a few months off from even looking at my Blue Print for Progress book.  The 4th step work book for Al-Anon.  But I have been doing so many other things right now that the 4th step has taken a back seat for the moment.  Not forgotten, just set to the side.  Everyday I can do the 10th step to keep my 4th step from getting any bigger.

Today is the 3rd class in our adventure of becoming parents.  I also started a journal so I can put down all my thoughts and fears and feelings through this process so she knows what we went through to get her.  most parents can tell the kids how they were born, I can share with her the story of how she came to be a member of our family.  And it will be in my own words, as it’s going on, not in 10 years when I am trying to go off memory.

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The little sticker I found

Monday I was feeling kinda blue about the adoption thing because of all the rules and the things we have to do on their time frame when a child is placed with us….just stuff going around in my head that I was letting fester there.  And I came back from talking to a co-worker, on the floor in front of my desk – right where I have been walking all day long was a flower sticker that’s all glittery and girly.  I picked it up, closed my eyes and said thank you to my higher power.  I needed that right then and there.  Sometimes when I forget to get all that crap out of my head it can really make my thinking go to crap.  My Higher Power reminded me that my little girl is out there somewhere just waiting for Hubby and I to be available for her to come home.  I can’t wait to give that little girl a forever home.  If you would like to get updates on our journey please head over to We Wished For You and follow it.  I am trying to keep up with all 4 web blogs.  I don’t post on all of them everyday, but I don’t want to post just to post.

I need to sit down and work on my 4th step again, I also need to try to make it to a meeting again.  Its been about 3 weeks since my last one.  If I miss this week that will be a whole month.  But one late night a week is already almost too much.  It really takes a toll on me not getting to bed at my normal time.  Sleep schedules are very important to someone who has chronic migraines.  I know that having a child means that my sleep will be interrupted on more than one night a week, but that is something that I will work on when it happens.  For now I am just trying not to blow through that much PTO for a self-caused migraine.

How many of you have done your 4th step or are working on it?  Please feel free to sound off in the comments Box.  If you are not sure where to start with your 4th step and you are working the Al-anon program – or even if you would  just like to do a 4th step, the Blue Print for Progress book is a very good place to start.  I got mine off Amazon.

With March almost over I wanted to do a little check in.  This has been a big month for us.  I turned 30 years old, celebrated 9 years at my current job and we started foster/adoptive parent classes.  I have not been to a meeting in two weeks, I was feeling a little burnt out.  Plus with class being on Wed nights and not getting home till after 9pm the next day I feel dead.  Makes it hard to want to go anywhere Thursday night as well.  I do miss my Al-anon family, but right now I have to take care of myself.

I was taught that in Al-Anon, we have to take care of ourselves.  And right now that means getting rest and not over doing it.  The first class was a shocker and until I get used to staying up late on Wed nights it might be a little bit till I can get to a meeting.  I still do my reading and will still try to keep in touch with everyone.

This being the third month we talked about the third step, I am having to do that a lot and turn stuff over.  Its hard, but I know in my heart that my Higher Power is there right beside me through all of this.  I pray for the strength to stay on track and make it though this process of becoming a parent.  I know my daughter is out there somewhere, just waiting for us like we are waiting for her.

I use the serenity prayer so much om my way to work – it’s a good thing I don’t have my windows down, the cars next to me might hear me yell it over and over to myself till I can say it calmly from the heart.  That’s when I know my higher power has heard me and I feel the calming nature of his presence with me.

What are somethings that you have turned over to the care of God, as you understood him?  What are somethings that you know you need to let go of but are having an issue doing so?

30…part 3

This has been a few posts of expressing my fears, what I am thankful for and now I will list 30 things that I hope to achieve or just am looking forward to doing.  In no particular order:

  1. become a parent
  2. Finish painting the inside of our house
  3. clean out baby girls room
  4. Finish cleaning my office
  5. pay off some debt
  6. make better choices on how to spend our money
  7. get down to my goal weight
  8. take more classes
  9. paint more
  10. relax more
  11. express my feeling better
  12. learn how to ask for the things I want
  13. learn to tell the difference between what I want and what I need
  14. learn to fully turn things over and not try to hang on
  15. learn to let things go, if it bothers me, let them know – or drop it all together.  Holding on to things forever only keeps hurting me
  16. take better care of myself – eat better, sleep at normal time, go to the doctor, not ignore symptoms, treat my migraines when they start.
  17. learn new things to better help me at my job
  18. Finish more art projects
  19. Finish tasks
  20. not be so hard on myself when something doesn’t go as I planned
  21. one day replace the current house we have with a new one
  22. one day help my husband with a business of our own
  23. help my adoptive daughter understand how loved she is
  24. family trip to Disneyland
  25. get a few left over dental issues taken care of
  26. one day find a treatment for my migraines that works
  27. put aside more time to spend with my husband doing fun things
  28. learn how to save money
  29. take a family trip somewhere
  30. get family photo taken

30…part 1

I am not 30 years old.  Last Wednesday night I was  afraid to go to sleep.  If I went to sleep then when I woke up I would be 30.  Like by staying away I could avoid it.  It’s just a number I know, but for some reason 30 was a scary one.  I was watching TV and trying to keep it together.  I had taken Thursday and Friday off work, so my lack of sleep was not hurting anything.  I was trying not to keep my husband (who still had to go to work in the morning) awake with my panic attack.  I remember how I felt as 9pm and then 10pm rolled around.  The panic was almost too much for me.

I got pretty interested in what was on the TV at that moment (can’t tell you what it was now) And I looked over at the time to see it was 1:30am.  OMG, I was 30!  Nothing felt different, the world had not come to an end, no one was calling me telling me what a failure I was.  I was 30 and everything was just fine.  How could I have been so scared and nothing happened?  I had some how let my thoughts do me in.

As of today I have been smoke free for 70 days and saved $230.  It feels amazing to have made it this far and not feel like I can’t go another day and I know that’s what I can do.  Today I am smoke free, I can only live one day at a time…so I wanted to write down a list…or two…or three  Here are my 30 things…

30 Things that I am thankful for – in no particular order

  1. To be alive
  2. my parents
  3. my husband
  4. my sister
  5. My Sweet furry children
  6. Devereux (Foster care agency)
  7. my job
  8. a roof over my head
  9. my health (as bad as I feel today, it could always be worse)
  10. my friends
  11. al-anon
  12. AA
  13. being able to pay bills and some what on time most months 🙂
  14. My Hubbies substance abuse counselor and his wife who have become very close friends.
  15. being nicotine free
  16. loving my job
  17. a bed to make
  18. food in my house to eat
  19. clothes on my back
  20. people willing to donate items to others in need
  21. a husband who understands my migraines
  22. an understanding Boss
  23. supportive family
  24. being able to express my creative side
  25. strangers who smile back
  26. strangers who smile first
  27. warm spring days
  28. waking up to a Boxer who wants to snuggle
  29. falling asleep in my husbands arms
  30. hearing someone say they think I will be a good mom

 

So I got home last night and I open the back door into our laundry room and everything that was on the counter by the back door is on the floor.  Speakers and cans of paint, a blanket, a few empty boxes and a stack of junk mail.  There stands Portia in the middle of the mess.  My first thought was OMG we got broke into!  Then I hear the smoke alarm chirp letting me know the battery was dead.  Portia losses her mind and cries and jumps up and down.  She must have gone nuts when it started to chirp.  She also chewed up a box and chewed on the junk mail.  She must have been trying to get out the window.

I almost took a picture of the mess, but thought it best just to clean it all up and get the batteries changed in the alarm before she had a heart attack.  She used to have separation anxiety really bad but I thought she was over it.  She was abused as a very little puppy before we got her.  We got her at 8 weeks old so that tells you what kind of monsters had her before us.

Please keep my husband in your prayers, things on our life might be changing here really soon.  And this is on top of everything else going on.  The adoption classes start on the 20th, we have to go get our finger print cards and still get the house ready for a munchkin.  I was told this weekend that we don’t have to buy booster seats cause a good friend of ours doesn’t need the two for her daughter anymore.  and they are pink, YAY!  Hehehehehe…yes the hubby will have a pink booster seat in the back seat of his monster truck, and you know what…he loves the idea.  He has wanted a daughter for as long as I have known him.  We always talked about having a daughter named Hailey.  I guess it’s up to God now to know what our daughter’s name will be.

If you want to keep up with our adoption/foster care journey, please take a short jaunt over to We Wished for You    That is where I will be doing most of the updates for that cheaper of our life.  Trying to keep each subject separate.

I never thought to try to relate to the traditions on a personal level.  I just thought they were for my Al-Anon group, not my family group.  Last night that all changed when we talked about Tradition 2.

Tradition 2:

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself  in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

My husband was the all and mighty word in our house hold for a long time.  Anything he said went, even if I knew it was 100% wrong or the messed up thing to do.  I was to follow my husband in every endeavor.  Well with the help of Al-Anon I learned that I have a higher power, and it is not my husband.  I do love him and will support him.  But I will not support him in a way that will cause myself harm.  I will not support him in and endeavor that will cause himself harm.  I will support him with love and encouragement to be the wonderful loving man I know he is.

Now that we are both recovery people we can talk in a shared language.  Our slogans and saying in AA and Al-Anon are very similar so we can talk on a deeper level now than ever before.  We are not perfect, we are a work in progress.  I am not sure who my husband looked to as a Higher Power – I know his father was for most of his life.  My father-in-laws attitude was “I don’t put the fear of God in my children, because God doesn’t live here.  I live here and they will fear me!”  And fear him they did.  I am sorry, I may not be a mother yet – but I do not feel that Fear is the way I want to raise my children.  I want to instill in my child a love and respect for not only me and her father, but a love and respect for herself and her God.

We were not very church going people growing up, and the only church thing my husband and I have done together is a Marriage 911 class we took at a Local church.  I would go to church functions with all my friends growing up, my parents let me explore my religious curiosity.  They left if up to me to go to church if I wanted to.  I am all for instilling your beliefs on your children, but also give them some freedom to choose their own path.  They might respect you more for that than putting the fear of wanting something for yourself.  It took a long time to get my husband to talk openly about what he wanted or how he felt.  Hid father did a good job of trying to kill his spirit.

And its so sad because my husband has such a playful and fun way about himself when he feels safe to open up.  We laugh and play and just have the best time with each other.  That’s why I can’t wait to have a child that we can both be who we really are around.  We are young, fun and playful people who want to love and cherish our child.  Teach them its ok to reach for a goal and not quite make it.  At least you reached for it.  I want her to have parents who are just but trusted servants of God, who do not Govern.

I want her to be able to come to us with anything without fear, it unlike how my husband was raised and I feel that because he knows how the other side of that coin feels he will be able to flip it over and show her understanding and compassion he never got.  I was raised in an open household like that, but I still got in-trouble for not sticking to the plan.  I had to follow most of my parents goals for me.  But you know I think deep down I needed that tough love to get me going in life.  They were not cold like my in-laws, but they were not push overs either.  I need to find that firm but loving attitude for my own child.  I want to lead her, not rule over her.

Please feel free to share your thoughts on how you can bring Tradition 2 into your family group.

If no one has told you they love you today, I do and God does too!!

 

Step work…

I feel like I need to do a little step work.

Step #1:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

This can go for things other than alcohol.  I am trying to quit smoking right now, I have almost 14 days under my belt. (5pm today will be 14 days)  and I had to admit that i was powerless and that my life had become unmanageable.  I had let it start to rule my life.  I would plan things around being able to smoke.  it was starting to get sad and upset me.  I quit for 2 years before, I felt so dumb for starting up again.

Step #2:

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I had to put my faith in something greater than myself to be able to let go of the smoking.  I had to let go of it, do I still have craving – OMG yes I do.  But all I have to do is catch a whiff of the smoke and I wanna run the other way.  Makes my head hurt and I feel ill.  I have felt a lot better in these 2 weeks and been pounding the water.  But I had to look towards something else for help.  For me it was the want to become a mother was grater than smoking.  It motivated me really well.

Step #3:

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

I have to ask my God to help me – help me every time I get a bad craving to do something else.  So I prayed about it and what came to mind was water.  Its something I need more of anyways and it might help with the toxins.  So when I get a bad craving – I chug the water.  replacing something bad with something good.  Its helped so far.

 

Those 3 steps – the Cha-Cha as we fondly call it – is the foundation of my life now.  I can use those steps to over come many things.  I am trying to use them to come to grips with the fact I can not control every aspect of these adoptions classes.  The class we wanted we waited too long to sign up for.  and the ones that are left for Jan and Feb and March are not close to our house.  We live outside of the city and all they classes are towards the middle of town.  I have to let go and not get so warped out of shape over the fact that I can’t just take the class where I want to when I want to.  I wanted to call up the center for the class and beg that they let us in.  But there must be a reason God said “not that one my child.”  I may not like what He has to say – and I might not understand why He did it.  (But that’s ok.) It’s not in my control.  I may never know either why He didn’t want us in that class.  That’s in His hands.

There is a christian based class that we can take – doesn’t bother me that its religion based like it might others – it’s just the timing on getting both of us there for it.  There are some that start in March as well.  it would be nice if Hubby had his new job soon and that way we would not have to worry about his current boss trying to make it to where he can’t leave on time.  We have missed a few Thursday night meetings due to that issue. Oh well, some people are just unwilling to have compassion or understanding.  But that is something they have to sort out for themselves.  All I can do if fix me, I can’t fix others.

So keep us in your thoughts as you do your daily prayers – we quit smoking and are working on becoming parents.  My Sober hubby has just over a year and a half under his belt and life just keeps getting better by the day.  Better, not easier – don’t confuse the two.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!!

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more.  If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” – Oprah Winfrey

I am trying to be more thankful for what I have rather than be mad about what others have that I don’t.  In my depression and co-dependent thinking it was easy for me to do the Why me? I NEED that thing, so I MUST have it!  I didn’t need what ever that was.  My wants and needs were all messed up.  I know its been a while since we did any real step work and I am working on that – so over the next few days look out for Step 1 – and a few more inspired thoughts… I know I need them!

If you would like to ask any questions – please feel free to do so in the comments or by emailing me at chipinmyheart2011@gmail.com.  If you email me and I post your question – I will remember to save your anonymity and not share names.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!!

a smokeless me…

So – 8 and a half days into becoming a non-smoker.  It has been a little harder this time than the others.  But this time I know its for good.  It has to be, I can’t keep doing this to my body and expect it to continue to forgive me.  With the upcoming life change of becoming parents, the bank account that reminded me all the time that smoking was expensive and waking up feeling like crap every morning – it was becoming really apparent that we needed to change this.  Hubby did break down and buy a pack last week so he is only at about 2 days at this point – but he didn’t drink or snap at me too bad during his first few days or even now.  His current job played a big role in him breaking down I fear.

He is still unhappy and still looking, but there is not a lot out there that is worth a damn or closer to home.  A 75 mile round trip everyday is killing us in fuel.  I hope he finds something that he likes and a better environment.  He likes what he does – just not the people or environment that he has to work in.

My work is going better this year – taking 11 days off really helped me stay calmer and recharge.  I get burnt out sometimes – its hard to unwind once in a while.  I have been cooking dinner almost every night – trying to work on a menu so that when Baby Girl gets here we have a bit of a set dinner routine.  I don’t cook with beef or pork, so its just chicken, turkey and fish.  I also cook lots of veggies (hubby is not a veggie person or a fish fan) and always try to have fresh or canned fruit in the house.  I know it going to be hard to get them used to our meal plans or trying to figure out that they like, if they have allergies or what they just will refuse to eat.  I had a picky eater for a sister growing up and a somewhat picky eater for a husband.  so I am a bit used to cooking 2 dinners – what he wants and usually fish and a Veggie for me.  I really don’t want to cook 3 different dinners every night.  if she has special diet requirements then I might have to, and that’s OK.  I want to introduce her to a healthy way to cook and that fruits and veggies are yummy.

So – I think this week I am going to try to make it to my meeting.  I hope hubby gets home on time so we can go, I really don’t want to go there alone.  OK, let me rephrase that – I don’t get to spend much time with him as it is, going to a meeting without him is yet more time that we are not with each other – after being separated summer of 2011, I am not a fan of it.  I know I can do things on my own now where as before when I was thick in my sticking thinking I thought that I just could no longer live if he was not in my life.  I know that I CAN, I just don’t WANT to.  And that’s how I have changed and grown with the help of Al-anon.

Not that the adoption paperwork is done – I might try to get back at my step four.  The application was like a step four, they asked all kinds of searching questions.  I had to be fearless and answer them truthfully.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!!

 

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