Tag Archive: hubby


Normal?

I hear everyone say this, and yes I am guilty of it myself.  But I hear so many people say “Things will get back to normal soon.”  Wait, what is normal, normal for who?  Cause my “normal” for the past few years has been a living nightmare, I don’t want to go back to that.  You know how I have started to look at it? Today is my new normal, till my next new normal.  I try really hard now not to say “normal”  cause I am not really even sure what that is anymore.  My normal is not your normal, and this normal that I am in right now is only good until my next normal.

My husband will ask me how I feel, so I will tell him my head hurts.  He turns to me and says “Normal then, huh?”  Yup, this has been my normal for many years.  Constant pain in my head that just builds and builds.  I am not happy with this normal, it’s not something I find joy in.  But it is a “normal” or natural state for me to be in.  I have a wonderful Dr now who is also a person who suffers from migraines so she understands.

You might ask yourself, how can I move past this part in my life, what will I do now?  You will find other things to take up your time. We have been working on our house, playing with the dogs, hubby has been messing with his cars and when we get a little lost – we go to a meeting.  Going to meetings helps so much, I could never understand that before.  I could not wrap my head around why my husband was going to more AA meetings that he was required to, till I went.  Now I fully understand the want or really the need to go.  I find myself getting back on track with each meeting, another one of my ducks falls back into line.  They had been running amok for quite some time.

So if you find yourself saying “back to normal” just remember, it’s just the next new normal.

nor·mal [ náwrm’l ]
  1. usual: conforming to the usual standard, type, or custom
  2. healthy: physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy
  3. occurring naturally: maintained or occurring in a natural state

In our dreams…

The last time I had quit smoking it was for about 2 years, I would still have dreams of smoking.  It was hard but I just kept strong, till one night bam – I was smoking again.  Hubby said that last night in his dreams he was at a party and watching people drink and have fun, he was not drinking.  He said he told people that he was sober and was going to stay that way.  So he has reached a point where even his sub-continuous mind knows he is sober now.

If I could only get to my sub-continuous mind and tell it that I will not be smoking anymore.  But my continuous mind is still having an issue with that, so one step at a time.  I have been looking into the E cigarettes, I think that is the route I am going to take to quit.  Hubby needs to quit too, but I understand he needed to get over one vice at a time.  I am very much a social smoker so I hope he can quit with me.  His strength with not drinking makes me have faith that I can have strength to quit smoking.

I have been told that for some smokers that quitting is harder that quitting heroin.  It has had an on and off hold on me for a lot more years that I would like to admit to.  I have tried the gum, no such luck.  The patches would probable help but I am allergic to the glue and plastic the patch is made out of.  The e cigarette that I am looking at getting is the same price as a box of the lozenges and it will take care of my craving for the act of smoking not just the nicotine.  I can lower the amount of nicotine in the cartridges as I go and still have the same amount of smoke breaks a day.  I can go all the way down to 0 mg and then be done.  With regular cigarettes all I can do is cut back on the number I smoke a day and that has been hard to do.  I like the step down program idea.  I will keep you all updated on my progress.

I will pray to have the strength to overcome this horrible unhealthy habit and so when we adopt a child eventually I am not such a “do as I say not as I do”  hard to tell a kid not to smoke while you are puffing on a cancer stick your self.  I will just have to make sure that even in my dreams, smoking no longer has a hold on me.

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