Tag Archive: life


unmanageable

I am powerless of over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable.

– Lets take a look at the word unmanageable now.

unmanageable

adj.
Difficult or impossible to manage, as:

  1. Not submitting to discipline; unruly: an unmanageable child.
  2. Difficult to keep under control or within limits: unmanageable traffic congestion.
  3. Awkward; unwieldy: unmanageable bundles.

If you suffer with the addiction or if you are watching a loved one suffer, you know what that feels like.  Even if you have not admitted to it yet, you still know what it feels like.  Every part of my life suffered.  I wasn’t sleeping so my work suffered.  I didn’t have time to keep up on the house cleaning, so that suffered.  He was unwilling to help me with the house, so it had started to look abandoned.  It has taken a while with us both recovering to start to open our eyes to what had happened around us.  So now we can start painting the house, fixing water leaks, replacing the carpet with wood floors.  He can go out to his shop and work on cars instead of drinking night after night.  I know he wants to get one of his projects done before summer and then start on the next one.  I hope that during the summer when it is too hot he can come in and help me with the house.

We used to blame each other for the house being a mess, we did the same thing with his drinking.  He would drink, get mean and that would make me mad.  So then he would drink cause I was mad, it was a never-ending snowball that just grew and grew.  The house was a mess cause he would not pick anything up, I got tired of cleaning up after him while he was drunk.  He would spend more time outside cause the house was a mess, I would get mad and then he would drink more.  See how it’s this never-ending blame shift, we both blamed the other and were the cause of each others anger.

Blame shiftBlaming others can lead to a “kick-the-dog effect” where individuals in a hierarchy blame their immediate subordinate, and this propagates down the hierarchy until the lowest rung (the “dog”). A 2009 experimental study has shown that blaming can be contagious even for uninvolved onlookers. Blame is utilized as a social control technique.

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What it is to be powerless.

Last time I posted I said I felt empowered, yet I still believe I am powerless.

Definition of:

POWERLESS – 

1: devoid of strength or resources <powerless victims>

2: lacking the authority or capacity to act <was powerless to help>

Empowered

To equip or supply with an ability

So, am I Powerless over alcohol?  Yes!  Can I still feel empowered? Yes!

To me being empowered means that I have the ability to take on each day, one day at a time.  Some times its one hour at a time, or one minute at a time.   I find myself saying, “let go, let God” a lot.  I have to let go, have to realize that I don’t need all the answers, I don’t have to be right all the time and I don’t need to be in control of every one.  I can only control myself, my actions and my reactions.  I am still going to hurt, I am still going to get angry and I will still have alcohol try to work its way into my life. I take a piece of chalk and draw a circle on the ground then stand in that circle.  Now, what is in that circle I have control over, what is outside I do not and I shouldn’t try to.  All we can ask of our selves is to take control of us, that’s it.  I cannot control the sun, the moon, the stars…and we surely cannot control our alcoholic.  They need their own recovery plan with the 12 steps.  We cannot work it for them, we cannot make them and we cannot change them.  They must be willing to change themselves, seek help on their own and own up to their own addiction.  Its step one, I admitted I was powerless over alcohol.

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