Tag Archive: lifestyle

With March almost over I wanted to do a little check in.  This has been a big month for us.  I turned 30 years old, celebrated 9 years at my current job and we started foster/adoptive parent classes.  I have not been to a meeting in two weeks, I was feeling a little burnt out.  Plus with class being on Wed nights and not getting home till after 9pm the next day I feel dead.  Makes it hard to want to go anywhere Thursday night as well.  I do miss my Al-anon family, but right now I have to take care of myself.

I was taught that in Al-Anon, we have to take care of ourselves.  And right now that means getting rest and not over doing it.  The first class was a shocker and until I get used to staying up late on Wed nights it might be a little bit till I can get to a meeting.  I still do my reading and will still try to keep in touch with everyone.

This being the third month we talked about the third step, I am having to do that a lot and turn stuff over.  Its hard, but I know in my heart that my Higher Power is there right beside me through all of this.  I pray for the strength to stay on track and make it though this process of becoming a parent.  I know my daughter is out there somewhere, just waiting for us like we are waiting for her.

I use the serenity prayer so much om my way to work – it’s a good thing I don’t have my windows down, the cars next to me might hear me yell it over and over to myself till I can say it calmly from the heart.  That’s when I know my higher power has heard me and I feel the calming nature of his presence with me.

What are somethings that you have turned over to the care of God, as you understood him?  What are somethings that you know you need to let go of but are having an issue doing so?

30…part 3

This has been a few posts of expressing my fears, what I am thankful for and now I will list 30 things that I hope to achieve or just am looking forward to doing.  In no particular order:

  1. become a parent
  2. Finish painting the inside of our house
  3. clean out baby girls room
  4. Finish cleaning my office
  5. pay off some debt
  6. make better choices on how to spend our money
  7. get down to my goal weight
  8. take more classes
  9. paint more
  10. relax more
  11. express my feeling better
  12. learn how to ask for the things I want
  13. learn to tell the difference between what I want and what I need
  14. learn to fully turn things over and not try to hang on
  15. learn to let things go, if it bothers me, let them know – or drop it all together.  Holding on to things forever only keeps hurting me
  16. take better care of myself – eat better, sleep at normal time, go to the doctor, not ignore symptoms, treat my migraines when they start.
  17. learn new things to better help me at my job
  18. Finish more art projects
  19. Finish tasks
  20. not be so hard on myself when something doesn’t go as I planned
  21. one day replace the current house we have with a new one
  22. one day help my husband with a business of our own
  23. help my adoptive daughter understand how loved she is
  24. family trip to Disneyland
  25. get a few left over dental issues taken care of
  26. one day find a treatment for my migraines that works
  27. put aside more time to spend with my husband doing fun things
  28. learn how to save money
  29. take a family trip somewhere
  30. get family photo taken

30…part 1

I am not 30 years old.  Last Wednesday night I was  afraid to go to sleep.  If I went to sleep then when I woke up I would be 30.  Like by staying away I could avoid it.  It’s just a number I know, but for some reason 30 was a scary one.  I was watching TV and trying to keep it together.  I had taken Thursday and Friday off work, so my lack of sleep was not hurting anything.  I was trying not to keep my husband (who still had to go to work in the morning) awake with my panic attack.  I remember how I felt as 9pm and then 10pm rolled around.  The panic was almost too much for me.

I got pretty interested in what was on the TV at that moment (can’t tell you what it was now) And I looked over at the time to see it was 1:30am.  OMG, I was 30!  Nothing felt different, the world had not come to an end, no one was calling me telling me what a failure I was.  I was 30 and everything was just fine.  How could I have been so scared and nothing happened?  I had some how let my thoughts do me in.

As of today I have been smoke free for 70 days and saved $230.  It feels amazing to have made it this far and not feel like I can’t go another day and I know that’s what I can do.  Today I am smoke free, I can only live one day at a time…so I wanted to write down a list…or two…or three  Here are my 30 things…

30 Things that I am thankful for – in no particular order

  1. To be alive
  2. my parents
  3. my husband
  4. my sister
  5. My Sweet furry children
  6. Devereux (Foster care agency)
  7. my job
  8. a roof over my head
  9. my health (as bad as I feel today, it could always be worse)
  10. my friends
  11. al-anon
  12. AA
  13. being able to pay bills and some what on time most months 🙂
  14. My Hubbies substance abuse counselor and his wife who have become very close friends.
  15. being nicotine free
  16. loving my job
  17. a bed to make
  18. food in my house to eat
  19. clothes on my back
  20. people willing to donate items to others in need
  21. a husband who understands my migraines
  22. an understanding Boss
  23. supportive family
  24. being able to express my creative side
  25. strangers who smile back
  26. strangers who smile first
  27. warm spring days
  28. waking up to a Boxer who wants to snuggle
  29. falling asleep in my husbands arms
  30. hearing someone say they think I will be a good mom


to my child…

We have to write a letter to our future child, and one to the bio parents, take a family photo and make a scrap-book of who we are.  How do i put into words the love i already have in my heart for a child i have yet to meet.  I love them so much already.  I have for the 9 years I have been married and we knew we were going to adopt or be foster parents.

In filling out the application paperwork i have had to answer some in-depth questions.  Hubby is going to have to mention things from his child hood, we have to put down he was treated for alcoholism. We just have to be honest with them and hope God knows that we want to be parents and we can give then love and a safe home.

God knows what is in my heart, i have to pray and let it go.  I have to turn it over and know that he has a child for us just waiting.  I have a room, a bed, stuffed animals.  I do need a dresser, toys, clothes, and things a 4-6 year old little girl needs.

Hope to start classes in late January…its been a little stressful on us already, we just have to stay strong and not take it out on each other.  We are both scarred, excited, nervous and happy.  The unknown scares the hell out of me, but that’s what life is…learning, experiencing new things, traveling uncharted waters…good thing is we have guides, friends, family and recovery.  One day at a time and one step of a time the adoption and our recovery and our life will come at us on its own terms…I am ready.

I want to be a mom…I am ready to be a mom…just waiting for you baby girl.



Can also be seen on my other blog: Court’s Royal Corner

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