Tag Archive: motherhood


30…Part 2

The other day I wrote about the 30 things I was thankful for.  Today I want to express the 30 things I fear or don’t want to happen…Again in no particular order

  1. the dark
  2. dieing
  3. not being a good mother
  4. disappointing my parents
  5. the death of a parent or sister.
  6. the death of my husband
  7. the death of one of my babies (the dogs)
  8. losing my job
  9. losing my house
  10. being told we cannot be foster parents or adopt a child
  11. my husbands health due to his drinking for years
  12. being laid off
  13. that I will be as sick as my mom is one day
  14. that I already am showing the signs of what my mother has
  15. drowning
  16. being stuck in a fire
  17. that my migraines might get worse
  18. that my husband could be injured really bad at work one day
  19. that I could one day have another seizure
  20. upsetting my husband
  21. ending up in the hospital
  22. having surgery
  23. will not be able to get home due to a bad flood (monsoon time)
  24. getting stuck with out food and water again due to a flood
  25. one day Dozer my boxer could have a bad allergy attack when no one is home
  26. something could happen at the house while no one is home and my dogs get hurt
  27. when I have the dogs in the car I pray that on one hits us
  28. that I will forget something important
  29. that I can’t drop the weight that I need to
  30. that my adoptive daughter might one day hate me
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to my child…

We have to write a letter to our future child, and one to the bio parents, take a family photo and make a scrap-book of who we are.  How do i put into words the love i already have in my heart for a child i have yet to meet.  I love them so much already.  I have for the 9 years I have been married and we knew we were going to adopt or be foster parents.

In filling out the application paperwork i have had to answer some in-depth questions.  Hubby is going to have to mention things from his child hood, we have to put down he was treated for alcoholism. We just have to be honest with them and hope God knows that we want to be parents and we can give then love and a safe home.

God knows what is in my heart, i have to pray and let it go.  I have to turn it over and know that he has a child for us just waiting.  I have a room, a bed, stuffed animals.  I do need a dresser, toys, clothes, and things a 4-6 year old little girl needs.

Hope to start classes in late January…its been a little stressful on us already, we just have to stay strong and not take it out on each other.  We are both scarred, excited, nervous and happy.  The unknown scares the hell out of me, but that’s what life is…learning, experiencing new things, traveling uncharted waters…good thing is we have guides, friends, family and recovery.  One day at a time and one step of a time the adoption and our recovery and our life will come at us on its own terms…I am ready.

I want to be a mom…I am ready to be a mom…just waiting for you baby girl.

 

 

Can also be seen on my other blog: Court’s Royal Corner

If a Child…

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with honesty he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live to love and be loved.

(Anonymous)

When did a child’s birthday party go from being all about them to all about how much the parents can drink till someone falls and sends shards of glass all over the are where the children are playing?  Since when was a child tossing water balloons become an excuse for the adults to spray them with the garden hose till they were crying or having a difficult time breathing?  I have been bothered by the so-called “birthday parties” that my friends have had for their children.  I remember them being very different when I was a kid.

No one drank, no one punished us for having fun. The parents who stayed at the party would play games with us or just cook and set up the games for us.  We played outside, we tossed water balloons – where the goal was not to break them open.  It was 100% all about us kids, not a drinking party for the adults.  I never remember my parents inviting THEIR friends over to our parties – if they had kids or not.

My husband and I were talking about how we are going to do it for Baby Girl (that’s how we refer to the daughter we have yet to adopt, more on that later) I have no idea what happened differently with some of my adult friends and how they think that the parties they have are the way a CHILD”S party should be set up.  After talking with my husband about how their parties were growing up, I now see the effects that drinking has on these social events.  Hubby said that his parents and their friends would treat them the same way.  The kids could not have anywhere near the same amount of fun as the adults – they would put a stop to it in a heart beat if that was the case.  They were always looking for ways to out do the kids, or just plain ruin their fun.  If they could upset the kids to the point of making them cry or want to go to their rooms, they felt they had done something good for themselves.

I wanted to cry, tell my husband that a child should never EVER have to go through life like that, but I can not change how his parent were to him as a child.  All I can do is be there for him and let him tell all the haunting stories of how his childhood was.  It was way left field from mine – or was it.  Alcohol was not a part of my child hood, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t bullied…to be continued.

 

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too.

 

 

Put Down The Drink

My husband heard this song the other day and found it for me on youtube.  I had to share this with you!

Emphatic – Put Down The Drink

  • Baby, put down the drink
  • And baby, put down the bottle
  • You’re startin’ to sink
  • And when you’re down on your knees, it’s so hard to swallow
  • Your heart is beatin’ like a loaded gun
  • What’s done is done and you’re spinnin’ in circles
  • Where’s the girl that I used to know?
  • Why did you let her go? You know I loved her so
  • It’s never any more than one for me
  • But always two or three for you
  • Baby, put down the drink
  • Baby, put down the bottle
  • You’re startin’ to sink
  • And when you’re down on your knees, it’s so hard to swallow
  • I don’t want to see it go this way
  • Feelin’ like tomorrow is just a yesterday
  • I hate the way it is and to tell you the truth
  • It’s killin’ me and it’s killin’ you
  • I can’t stand all the ups and downs
  • The back and forths and the ’round and ’rounds
  • The in and outs of the slammin’ doors
  • It’s tearin’ me apart, I can’t take no more
  • It’s never any more than one for me
  • But always two or three for you
  • Baby, put down the drink
  • Baby, put down the bottle
  • You’re startin’ to sink
  • And when you’re down on your knees, yeah, it’s so hard to swallow
  • I want us back like we were before
  • Not like the broken glass lyin’ on the floor
  • Baby, put down the drink
  • (Put down the drink)
  • Baby, put down the bottle
  • (Put down the bottle)
  • It feels like it’s all slippin’ away
  • I wish I had you like it has you
  • It feels like it’s all slippin’ away
  • I wish I had you
  • Baby, put down the drink
  • Baby, put down the bottle
  • You’re startin’ to sink
  • And you get high when you’re down, but I’m watchin’ you fall
  • So baby, put down the drink
  • Baby, put down the bottle
  • You’re startin’ to sink
  • And when you’re down on your knees, yeah, it’s so hard to swallow
  • I want us back like we were before
  • Not like the broken glass lyin’ on the floor
  • Baby, put down the drink
  • Put down the bottle
  • (When you’re down on your knees, it’s so hard to swallow)
  • Put down the drink
  • Put down the bottle
  • Your heart is beatin’ like a loaded gun
  • What’s done is done
  • And you’re spinning in circles

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