Tag Archive: Parent


With March almost over I wanted to do a little check in.  This has been a big month for us.  I turned 30 years old, celebrated 9 years at my current job and we started foster/adoptive parent classes.  I have not been to a meeting in two weeks, I was feeling a little burnt out.  Plus with class being on Wed nights and not getting home till after 9pm the next day I feel dead.  Makes it hard to want to go anywhere Thursday night as well.  I do miss my Al-anon family, but right now I have to take care of myself.

I was taught that in Al-Anon, we have to take care of ourselves.  And right now that means getting rest and not over doing it.  The first class was a shocker and until I get used to staying up late on Wed nights it might be a little bit till I can get to a meeting.  I still do my reading and will still try to keep in touch with everyone.

This being the third month we talked about the third step, I am having to do that a lot and turn stuff over.  Its hard, but I know in my heart that my Higher Power is there right beside me through all of this.  I pray for the strength to stay on track and make it though this process of becoming a parent.  I know my daughter is out there somewhere, just waiting for us like we are waiting for her.

I use the serenity prayer so much om my way to work – it’s a good thing I don’t have my windows down, the cars next to me might hear me yell it over and over to myself till I can say it calmly from the heart.  That’s when I know my higher power has heard me and I feel the calming nature of his presence with me.

What are somethings that you have turned over to the care of God, as you understood him?  What are somethings that you know you need to let go of but are having an issue doing so?

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In going through the blue print for progress book, I have learned something about myself that I never saw. Like how the kids in school treated me. I used to lie to my parents to stay home saying I was sick. And I was sick, sick and tired of getting picked on. I had a perm, braces and glasses – you tell me how the kids treated me. I hated school, wanted to grow up and get out of there. I used to tell lies about things that would make the kids like me better – or hate me so they would leave me alone. I was bullied, but back then it was just kids being kids. I was different and that’s all they needed. My parents had rules and yes I thought they were bad then and over protective, but looking back – I am glad they did it. The only thing I can say about my childhood is – it was very lonely at times. I spent a lot of time alone, I didn’t mind it sometimes, but I really missed my mom and dad. When I was at home it was all about my sister and my mom. My mom was very, very ill all of my life, and my sister almost died being born. She was born blue and not breathing. So he was treated a bit different than I was.

I spent a lot of time with my great grandparents due to my mother being so sick and my dad working all the time. I know they taught me a lot of things and might be why I think like an old soul sometimes. They were in their 70’s and here I was just a baby spending time with them.  I don’t want to show my parents in a bad light. I know they loved me, I know they were doing the best they could. But I still feel that the way I grew up was very one-sided, and it was never my side. I started to act out just to get my parents to look at me. If I got bad grades they would have to sit with me and do my homework. If I talked back or didn’t do things, they would have to talk to me to tell me what I did wrong. as messed up as that sounds, its how i felt I could get attention. My dad’s parents were also a big part of my life. I always felt that my grandmother never cared for me. She spent a lot more time with my sister. She did take me and my bff to the movies, but not much else was just her and I.

Now my grandfather on the other hand was my buddy. Dad and I didn’t get really close till pop died. I mean I was always my dad’s pal around buddy, but pop and I were always together. He taught me to paint and how to fish, told me all kids of stories that I remember to this day. He loved to play with things, and I think that is where I get my techy side from. He was on the development team for the first GPS in the military. When pop died, I hated the word – they took the only person I felt who loved me no matter what i did. My great-grandmother loved me no matter what too – but that was a different bond. The day they told us he had passed away, my dad cried on my shoulder – at that moment I had become my father’s little girl. I am almost 30 and still call him daddy! As an adult I feel much closer to my parents that for sure. I no longer have to go round with them. I still feel that they lean more to taking care of my sister than me, but I have to learn to let go of the selfishness.y

We all went to the movie theater for mother’s day, I think my mom had a good day.  Dad got us all tickets for Dark Shadows, Very good flick.  I hope all the mothers out there had a wonderful day!

I love my parents so very much.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too.

When did a child’s birthday party go from being all about them to all about how much the parents can drink till someone falls and sends shards of glass all over the are where the children are playing?  Since when was a child tossing water balloons become an excuse for the adults to spray them with the garden hose till they were crying or having a difficult time breathing?  I have been bothered by the so-called “birthday parties” that my friends have had for their children.  I remember them being very different when I was a kid.

No one drank, no one punished us for having fun. The parents who stayed at the party would play games with us or just cook and set up the games for us.  We played outside, we tossed water balloons – where the goal was not to break them open.  It was 100% all about us kids, not a drinking party for the adults.  I never remember my parents inviting THEIR friends over to our parties – if they had kids or not.

My husband and I were talking about how we are going to do it for Baby Girl (that’s how we refer to the daughter we have yet to adopt, more on that later) I have no idea what happened differently with some of my adult friends and how they think that the parties they have are the way a CHILD”S party should be set up.  After talking with my husband about how their parties were growing up, I now see the effects that drinking has on these social events.  Hubby said that his parents and their friends would treat them the same way.  The kids could not have anywhere near the same amount of fun as the adults – they would put a stop to it in a heart beat if that was the case.  They were always looking for ways to out do the kids, or just plain ruin their fun.  If they could upset the kids to the point of making them cry or want to go to their rooms, they felt they had done something good for themselves.

I wanted to cry, tell my husband that a child should never EVER have to go through life like that, but I can not change how his parent were to him as a child.  All I can do is be there for him and let him tell all the haunting stories of how his childhood was.  It was way left field from mine – or was it.  Alcohol was not a part of my child hood, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t bullied…to be continued.

 

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too.

 

 

Guilt/blame

behavioral self-blame – undeserved blame based on actions. Victims who experience behavioral self-blame feel that they should have done something differently, and therefore feel at fault.

I felt this a lot, like somehow I deserved what was happening to me.  I let it happen, but it was not my fault or something I deserved.  I know that a lot of you out there feel the same.  I hear it night after night in group or in the articles I read.  I used to think God was punishing me for something.  God doesn’t punish us, but he will tap you on the shoulder and say “Hey, you are not listening!”  It sometimes takes a few taps to get my attention.

My husband was such a good drinker, that he could make you feel bad for him and almost agree with him drinking.  He had a bad day at work – ok go have a drink.  His parents disowned him – ok go have a drink.  He would even get people to feel bad and join in with his drinking.  If anyone was cutting down or trying to stop he would succeed almost every-time to get them to drink with him.  Heck, he even got me to drink a few beers with him and I HATE the taste of beer.

If this sounds at all like what you have seen or gone through, never fear, you are not alone!  This is part of the alcoholic brain, they are able to get you to feel sorry for them or mad at them.  Either way they can use your emotion as a reason to give themselves permission to drink.  They give themselves permission to drink and get drunk cause of something someone else did, said or made them feel.

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