Tag Archive: Prayer


With March almost over I wanted to do a little check in.  This has been a big month for us.  I turned 30 years old, celebrated 9 years at my current job and we started foster/adoptive parent classes.  I have not been to a meeting in two weeks, I was feeling a little burnt out.  Plus with class being on Wed nights and not getting home till after 9pm the next day I feel dead.  Makes it hard to want to go anywhere Thursday night as well.  I do miss my Al-anon family, but right now I have to take care of myself.

I was taught that in Al-Anon, we have to take care of ourselves.  And right now that means getting rest and not over doing it.  The first class was a shocker and until I get used to staying up late on Wed nights it might be a little bit till I can get to a meeting.  I still do my reading and will still try to keep in touch with everyone.

This being the third month we talked about the third step, I am having to do that a lot and turn stuff over.  Its hard, but I know in my heart that my Higher Power is there right beside me through all of this.  I pray for the strength to stay on track and make it though this process of becoming a parent.  I know my daughter is out there somewhere, just waiting for us like we are waiting for her.

I use the serenity prayer so much om my way to work – it’s a good thing I don’t have my windows down, the cars next to me might hear me yell it over and over to myself till I can say it calmly from the heart.  That’s when I know my higher power has heard me and I feel the calming nature of his presence with me.

What are somethings that you have turned over to the care of God, as you understood him?  What are somethings that you know you need to let go of but are having an issue doing so?

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So I got home last night and I open the back door into our laundry room and everything that was on the counter by the back door is on the floor.  Speakers and cans of paint, a blanket, a few empty boxes and a stack of junk mail.  There stands Portia in the middle of the mess.  My first thought was OMG we got broke into!  Then I hear the smoke alarm chirp letting me know the battery was dead.  Portia losses her mind and cries and jumps up and down.  She must have gone nuts when it started to chirp.  She also chewed up a box and chewed on the junk mail.  She must have been trying to get out the window.

I almost took a picture of the mess, but thought it best just to clean it all up and get the batteries changed in the alarm before she had a heart attack.  She used to have separation anxiety really bad but I thought she was over it.  She was abused as a very little puppy before we got her.  We got her at 8 weeks old so that tells you what kind of monsters had her before us.

Please keep my husband in your prayers, things on our life might be changing here really soon.  And this is on top of everything else going on.  The adoption classes start on the 20th, we have to go get our finger print cards and still get the house ready for a munchkin.  I was told this weekend that we don’t have to buy booster seats cause a good friend of ours doesn’t need the two for her daughter anymore.  and they are pink, YAY!  Hehehehehe…yes the hubby will have a pink booster seat in the back seat of his monster truck, and you know what…he loves the idea.  He has wanted a daughter for as long as I have known him.  We always talked about having a daughter named Hailey.  I guess it’s up to God now to know what our daughter’s name will be.

If you want to keep up with our adoption/foster care journey, please take a short jaunt over to We Wished for You    That is where I will be doing most of the updates for that cheaper of our life.  Trying to keep each subject separate.

Pray for 14 days…

If you find yourself at ends with someone, you just can’t seem to get past your resentment, anger or fear…pray for them for 14 days straight.  Pray that they find peace, pray that they find what they are searching for, pray that they get what it is they want out of their life.  If you forget on the 13th day, you don’t get to just continue.  You have to start over again with day 1.  Do this over and over till you make it the full 14 days.  Yesterday was my day one.  The person I pray for was once a friend, but is now concentrating one hate and dis-contentment.  I pray that they find peace dear lord.  I pray that their heart be true.  I pray that they can sleep knowing the words they say were heard.  I pray that they get what they want int their life so that one day they be happy with who they are.  Being in the active disease still I can not and will not participate in their choice of living life in a toxic manner, but pray that they find hope and help to no longer feel the need for the toxic life.  Dear lord watch over this child of god as they are in need of your guidance as they travel the path they have chosen.

I pray for you…

Dear god, I pray for those who have hatred in their hearts.  I pray that they one day find compassion for other people and learn not to lash out at those who suffer.  I pray that they find the peace and serenity that I have even with the pain that I feel on a daily basis.  I pray that you one day find a way to be truly happy.  For spreading hate and dis-contentment hurts not only those around you but also hurts yourself.  I pray that you find a way to deal with your own short comings as I have learned to ask God to remove mine. I pray that I learn how to show to others that I am grateful and am not perfect.  For this life is not about perfection, it is about progress.

I am heart broken…

 

very sad day for the Barnes family – my heart and prayers go out to you – I can not express how my heart breaks for them.  This sweet dog was kept in a cell for 2 years for no reason and then was put to sleep just because he was a bulldog mix – they considered it to be a pit bull type breed so he was killed and they didn’t let the family see him or collect his body.  the 7-year-old lab bull-dog mix had a sweet gentle personality yet they killed him anyways.  in 7 years he never hurt a soul, they just killed him.  after being begged to let him be transferred to the US they denied this sweet baby his life.  Belfast City Council – you have shown no mercy, no heart, no kindness at all.  I hope the family relocates and is able to heal from this tragic event.  If you are the praying type of person, please join me, my husband, Dozer, Portia and Gizmo is Praying for this family and for the eternal rest of poor sweet Lennox.  RIP you sweet boy – your family tried their best – the whole world tried to free you – I never knew you but love you just as I do my own babies.  PLEASE – do not judge a breed for rumors of what some have done.  They skip stories of poodles and other “family” dogs biting kids and hurting owners.  A dog is only as nasty as we make them.  If showered with love, and snuggled and cuddled – they can be the sweetest things.  I have a 60lbs lap dog, Dozer my boxer who is the biggest baby.  I made him that way.  Abused, neglected dogs, or dogs who were made to fight other dogs – those poor souls were mistreated by the ones who were supposed to love and care for them.  They are a product of their environment and we treat an entire breed badly for it.  I have learned that people will act the way they were raised and so will animals – they don’t know any different.  They killed this poor creature just because he is a “type” of dog that they considered dangerous – not from the actions of the animal.

 

12_steps_of_aa-080131a

12_steps_of_aa-080131a (Photo credit: beachblogger42)

So tonight we traveled to another town and went to a  speaker AA meeting that we had been invited to attend.  It was a meeting to celebrate the 41st anniversary(also knows as a birthday) of the sweetest lady I have ever met.  It was nice to hear the story of how she came to be an AA.  I say an AA now after hearing a member of that meeting speak.  It was almost as if my Higher power had sent me to this very meeting to answer a question I had on this very day.

As I was getting ready to make the 22 mile drive tonight with my husband, I thought about how I would introduce myself.  Am I in Al-Anon or am I an Al-Anon.  Well, wouldn’t you know that a man at this very meeting would talk about just that.  Is it in AA or an AA.  He said that he felt that if you wanted AA only in your head – then you were just in AA and not fully in it for your recovery.  If the recovery was in your heart, then you were an AA.  So I was feeling the same way then.  To me I am an Al-Anon and not just in Al-Anon.

But I digress, Hearing how this couple had been together and both of them AA for 41 years now – it was beyond words.  To hear of people speak of them in the kindest of love, how their home and hearts are always open, how even after all these years – they walk to and from the meetings hand in hand.  It brought tears to my eyes.

Holding that chip that said 41 in roman numerals on the front had such a power to it.  As that coin made it around the room, each member touching it, holding it and each one adding thoughts of hope and prayers for one day being there them selves.  It really made me feel this blessed sensation.  Once I heard the respective years of sobriety starting to be expressed from each member – the numbers rolled around in my head.  There were hundreds of years in the very room.

Hearing the serenity pray being said by that many gave me the chills.  Then after the meeting when we all stood and held hands, you could just feel the love for one another come pouring through each set of hands.  And then we said the lords prayer, it sounded unlike any lords prayer I had ever taken part in.  No one was somber, no one was standing there cause they felt they had to.  We thanked our God, As we understood him, and all the voices in that room sounded calm, clear and proud.  It made me proud just to be standing there with them.

AA meeting sign

AA meeting sign (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The community that I have found myself in now is heart warming.  These folks welcome you with open minds and hearts – and almost always open arms.  I am a hugger through and through – and is a good thing I am because withing the walls of AA and Al-Anon you will get all the hugs you want.

 

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

 

 

There are two kinds of people. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Morning, Lord,” and there are those that say” Good Lord, its morning.” Every morning I wake up, I am Blessed. No matter how much drama is in my life or how much pain my body may be in, I know God is watching over me. I’m Blessed – Thank God for what you have.  I have a friend who at this very moment is in ICU after an accident, I bet his wife thanks God every time he opens his eyes.  Be thankful for every waking moment.

I think that we forget the little things in life, sometimes we take them for granted.  I know I used to complain about having to get up at 5 am and go off to work everyday.  But Really I should say “Thank God I woke up, thank God I have a job to go to and thank God I have a car to go there in.”  I take pride in what I worked hard for – I should take the same pride in doing the work in the first place.

I am at a point in my life now where death has shown its face around me enough, I have come close to loosing some people I love to bad accidents or bad circumstances.  But one thing I never forgot to do was thank God they lived.  What I did forget to do was thank Him that I lived.  But now with Prayer, with faith and with a new Self worth, I can take the first waking moments of EVERY day and say “Good morning, Lord.  Thank you for this day.”

Don’t Believe in God, that your own choice.  Its not always the beard and sandals guy I am talking to.  I know that it is God as I understand him.  My higher power is not always the same, it depends on what I am praying about.  I turn stuff over to my higher power and let them deal with it.

We watched the movie last night “life as we know it” The couple in the story dies leaving their little girl to the care of their friends.  I made me start to think about who in my life I could trust to do so.  When you make a choice like that you just have to pray that God will help them in providing the love that you would have.  I know that my furry kids would be taken care of and loved.

I pray for me, I pray for my husband, I pray for my parents, and I pray for my friends.  I can not let the trials and tribulations that my loved ones maybe going through bowl over my own feelings and needs.  But I do send up lots of prayers and send loving thoughts their way.  If I let it consume me than my own needs are not met.  For too many years I did not care for my own needs and have suffered for it.  Today I know I can care for others while still caring for myself first.

AA and Al-anon have given me these tools to be able to do this.  Sobriety and faith have given me what alcohol had promised me all those years.  To be blessed, know you are blessed and be thankful for that blessing – that to me is my serenity.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and god does too!

what a day…

Serenity

Serenity (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  Please protect me with an arm around my shoulders and a hand firmly over my mouth!

Ever have a day where the slightest thing can make you want to go homicidal?  I really have no idea why, but just felt like something snapped and I no longer had the ability to keep my big mouth shut.  So I took a walk – splashed some cool water on my face and said the serenity prayer a few hundred times till I felt better.

I am still angry, but at least now I no longer want to hurt someone.  It has taken me a while to get to the point where I am able to do this.  I still snapped off a few not so nice comments before I was able to calm down, but at least I was able to get a handle on myself.

 

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Welcome to Febuary and to Step 2…

Step 2 –  Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Hubby said to him the “came to” in this step means he woke up, I agree.  I was in a dream state – a surreal nightmare that had become my life.  I was aboard this crazy train that was on the war path to a bridge that was out.  I was bound to hit rock bottom and there was not conductor directing the train.  I had been the conductor of my crazy train for a while, then when my sorrow and depression reached its peak I just gave up.  I let go of the wheel and locked the door.  No one could get to the wheel and I was headed out of control.  While sitting in the AA meeting for hubby’s 6 month chip, I saw the red light flashing saying that I was going to crash but chose to ignore it.  About halfway through that meeting it hit me, unlock the door so that my higher power can get me on the right track before I crash and burn!  Once I did that the alarms went off and the flashing red light turned off, I had been saved from the bottomless pit of my self despair.

After reading that you might think that I have yet to get my sanity back, but that’s truly how I felt then.  I was lost, helpless, hopeless, alone, depressed, and desperate.  I felt like I could not to talk to anyone cause no one would understand me.  Anytime I tried to talk to my friends they would not see what I did, the act we had become so good at doing was too good at hiding the pain and trouble we had.  At the same time as soon as someone would voice concern I would come up with all kinds of excuses.  The lies were hard to keep up with, sometimes I would forget who was told what.  I hated to lie, made me feel sick inside, but I could not let on that things had gotten that bad.  I could not stand it if I started to get pity from people.

I had enough self-pity, I could not take it from others on top of it.  I always had what I felt was a good spiritual foundation, but my relationship with God was always fuzzy.  My parents allowed me to go to church with all my friends.  So I went to christen church youth nights, Mormon church dances and functions.  I had friends who were Wiccan, pagan, atheist and what I feel that I am – agnostic.  When I say I am agnostic it doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in God, I don’t believe in one religion over another.  I like some parts from each one, but too many have thing I do not believe in for me to set myself to a commitment to just one.  In a way I feel like a part of all of them, so that is me.  I do not belong to one group or one belief.  The only belief that I have is that of sobriety and serenity, Faith and my higher power.

I talk to my higher power a lot, mostly in the car.  That seems to be when I need the most help!  My higher power is not always God, most of the time it is and he is the under laying faith in every part of my life now.  But sometime when I talk to my higher power I thing of my grandfather or someone who has passed on but still watches over me.  Remember, higher power is God as You understand him.  So that is the way that I understand my higher power.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

Coffee and Prayers…

Coffee
Image by @Doug88888 via Flickr

Some mornings I am lucky enough to have my sweet hubby make a cup of coffee for me for my ride into work.  Other morning there is not enough time or we both forget, on these mornings I have to make my coffee when I get to work.  So while I make my coffee I take that time to talk to my higher power.  I ask questions, I get things off my chest or just voice some concerns.  Now I don’t say these things out loud cause well I might be deemed the crazy lady who talks to her coffee.  But I do have the thoughts in my head and picture the stress or anxiety leaving my body.  I take the problems that I can not handle alone and I pray for help.

“To Pray is to ask the questions, meditation is to hear the answers.”

I pray every morning and meditate every night. Not only do I get help with what I was praying for, but it also relaxes me to be able to fall asleep.  I have bad insomnia and spent most nights watching the ceiling fan go around.  Part of it is from the headaches, the pain never really goes away.  The other part is not being able to shut my brain off.  I get a song stuck in my head, an issue that has come up that day or week or just what I want to make for dinner the next day.  What ever the thought is, I just can not shut it off!  So sleep for me sometimes is just something I know nothing about.

So for me my morning coffee is very important, it wakes me up and gives me time to pause and talk to my higher power.  I have a friend who writes “coffee with god” on FaceBook, I start Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...every morning with reading it.  Usually while drinking my coffee.  His words are kind and helpful, and some days it seems that what he is talking about is directly related to how I feel that day.  It’s nice to know that I am not alone, that people out there are going through or feeling the same things I am.  For some being alone is the most scariest thing.  For others all they want is to be alone.

I am one who is not found of being alone, I used to be one who was petrified of it.  I thought there was now way I could live alone, how could I go on without someone being right there all the time.  This summer I found out that I can very well live on my own.  Did I like it? NO!  did I survive? Yes!  Was it hard? You bet!  But I did it and so its not just the fear of being alone that is keeping me right where I am, its the love for him that keeps up together.  It’s a bond that runs deeper than just that of a husband and wife, we are truly connected again.  Its still hard, and we still make each other crazy.  But the ups are much higher now and much longer where the downs are much short and not so deep.

Don’t give up hope, if love is there and you have a good foundation – you can come out of this together.  We walked from the flames hand and hand, our bond and love stronger than ever.  Yes we had some chared edges and some scars.  But wounds heal, scars fade and together we will pull from each others strengths.  We have our recovery programs, we have each other, we have faith in a higher power, we let go and let god.

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