Tag Archive: religion


Sad news…

Our thoughts and prayers go out to those affected by today’s Bombing in New England.

New Month, next step…

The 3rd step is also the 3rd step in my little cha-cha dance.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

We made a decision…  this says to me that it is truly up to me to make this choice.  I can choose to be sick and crazy, or I can choose to get better and ask for help from my higher power.  If I ask for help then I have to be willing to get out of the damn way so that He can do what He needs to do to help me. And it’s the care of God not the full control, not the ultimate fix all.  We still have to play a part in our lives, we just have to be willing to ask the right questions and listen to the answers.  It may not be what we want and it may not even be something that we understand at the very moment.  But it is there, if we ask for it.

If I ask for the ability to understand my husband, He is going to give me a situation where I have to be understanding.  If I want to forgive my husband, He will give me a situation where I will need to forgive.  If I ask to be more patient, He will give me a situation where I have to show patience.  He is not going to magically give me what I ask for, He is going to give me the tools to show myself that I have the ability to do it.  Al-Anon has shown me that when I asked for strength, He showed me that I am strong.

So as we start our step 3, remember that it is in this step that we learn that God is willing to show us what we already have inside us, if we are willing to trust Him and ask for His help.  It’s like asking for someone to take the blindfold off so you can look at your self for the first time.  You get to see all the wonderful things inside you that has been there the whole time, it was just hidden behind our own blockades.  We pulled off the blinders, we pulled back the shades…seeing the true self that is there by asking God for His help, we should be ready for the next step – Our personal inventory, but more on that next month.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too.

 

 

I never thought to try to relate to the traditions on a personal level.  I just thought they were for my Al-Anon group, not my family group.  Last night that all changed when we talked about Tradition 2.

Tradition 2:

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself  in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

My husband was the all and mighty word in our house hold for a long time.  Anything he said went, even if I knew it was 100% wrong or the messed up thing to do.  I was to follow my husband in every endeavor.  Well with the help of Al-Anon I learned that I have a higher power, and it is not my husband.  I do love him and will support him.  But I will not support him in a way that will cause myself harm.  I will not support him in and endeavor that will cause himself harm.  I will support him with love and encouragement to be the wonderful loving man I know he is.

Now that we are both recovery people we can talk in a shared language.  Our slogans and saying in AA and Al-Anon are very similar so we can talk on a deeper level now than ever before.  We are not perfect, we are a work in progress.  I am not sure who my husband looked to as a Higher Power – I know his father was for most of his life.  My father-in-laws attitude was “I don’t put the fear of God in my children, because God doesn’t live here.  I live here and they will fear me!”  And fear him they did.  I am sorry, I may not be a mother yet – but I do not feel that Fear is the way I want to raise my children.  I want to instill in my child a love and respect for not only me and her father, but a love and respect for herself and her God.

We were not very church going people growing up, and the only church thing my husband and I have done together is a Marriage 911 class we took at a Local church.  I would go to church functions with all my friends growing up, my parents let me explore my religious curiosity.  They left if up to me to go to church if I wanted to.  I am all for instilling your beliefs on your children, but also give them some freedom to choose their own path.  They might respect you more for that than putting the fear of wanting something for yourself.  It took a long time to get my husband to talk openly about what he wanted or how he felt.  Hid father did a good job of trying to kill his spirit.

And its so sad because my husband has such a playful and fun way about himself when he feels safe to open up.  We laugh and play and just have the best time with each other.  That’s why I can’t wait to have a child that we can both be who we really are around.  We are young, fun and playful people who want to love and cherish our child.  Teach them its ok to reach for a goal and not quite make it.  At least you reached for it.  I want her to have parents who are just but trusted servants of God, who do not Govern.

I want her to be able to come to us with anything without fear, it unlike how my husband was raised and I feel that because he knows how the other side of that coin feels he will be able to flip it over and show her understanding and compassion he never got.  I was raised in an open household like that, but I still got in-trouble for not sticking to the plan.  I had to follow most of my parents goals for me.  But you know I think deep down I needed that tough love to get me going in life.  They were not cold like my in-laws, but they were not push overs either.  I need to find that firm but loving attitude for my own child.  I want to lead her, not rule over her.

Please feel free to share your thoughts on how you can bring Tradition 2 into your family group.

If no one has told you they love you today, I do and God does too!!

 

It’s in Giving That We Receive – December 2012 Forum (the Al-Anon monthly magazine)

This time of year is a good time to go over the 12th step.  Whoa I know – going over a step!  We have not done this for a while and I think its time that we get back to it.  I missed almost all of them after the 4th step – but that’s OK.  End of this month starts a new month, a new year, a new chapter – we can start the steps over again.  No where in my book does it say do these once.  it is an ongoing life change that takes practice.

So here we go, step 12:

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

This month marks a few anniversaries.  It is the one year of my recovery, and the first year of this Blog.  Amazing how fast time flies.  I started my recovery with the 12th step.  I started by reaching out to others after my very frist meeting.  The power of AA and Al-Anon gave me the strength and courage to speak out about how I was feeling.  Something I had never done before – I kept my feelings hidden.

So the 12th step helped me dig out of this hole I was hiding in to say hello to the world.

Hello my name is Courtney.  I am codependent and powerless over my husband’s drinking.  I am powerless over others lives and I need help

That was hard for me to deal with, I felt powerless over the whole world, yet I was fighting tooth and nail to control it.  I felt useless yet wanted everyone to come to me with their issues cause I could fix them.  I felt alone yet never spent any time looking at what I wanted for myself.  Now – I can see how I can admit I am powerless and pray for help and guidance.  I can admit that my life had become unmanageable cause I let it get there.  I know now that I have the tools to survive being on my own, I just prefer not to be.  I have a better understanding of how to detach with love – other have to beat their own battles.  I can’t do it for them.

So in giving love and understanding to my husband, in giving love and thankfulness to my parents, in giving prayers of happiness and contentment to the people who I would rather punch in the face – I am giving them the gift of my true love. A love that I pray that God will give onto them.  A love that I am powerless over whether they accept it or not, powerless over if they pray or not, powerless over if they believe in God – but what I am not powerless over is the fact that I GAVE.  I gave them that love – the rest is up to them and I have to let it go and be in the hands of God.

The 12th step to me now means giving back without expecting a return.  I can’t control what I get in return.  But I can be content in knowing that I did my best in to share with others my spiritual awakenings – what happens after that is in Gods hands.  And that – the love of God – is my gift.

If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too.

If a Child…

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with honesty he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live to love and be loved.

(Anonymous)

G.O.D. Good Orderly Direction

“It is when we try to make our will conform with God‘s that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.’s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door.”

Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions Page 40

I recently (On 3/10/12) did my steps 4,5,6 and 7 and found out some information about myself that I was able to see for some time now, but refused to look at it. A sense of pride clouded my addictions, and like termites to a foundation, when the right storm came in I came down. I did not have the right order of God and structure in my life. That order is a task, even a chore some days, to keep on the front lines of our concerns. Complacency is our deepest and deadliest enemy next to the drug we used to favor. When we think we are ok, and no longer need the order, that is when we are most ready to fall.

As I sat in the meeting on 3/12/12 I heard that same warning cast out by another man, now trembling and very visibly shaken. He had become a strength he said, and a person who dealt with many sponsee’s, but the moment he stopped daily prayer and meditation, was the moment he was preparing himself for catastrophe. Without specifics he repeated his warning, and then said (Im paraphrasing adding much here:) that his complacency cost him 8 years on Sobriety Street, now he is trying to move of Addict Avenue once more.

The best thing I needed years ago, and that he needed recently, was G.O.D. Some Good Orderly Direction! If I keep God in my life, I keep good chances of sobriety- ALWAYS taking it one day at a time.

Wow March already!  I must apologize for being a day late with my welcome to the new month post.  I was quite ill yesterday with a migraine, I try to get a post in even through the pain,

ghost god (pike and 12th)

but I just could not muster the energy.  I just could not put out a post just for the sake of a post that had not heart or feeling in it.  I only put up posts that have my heart and feelings in them, cause well that is the point here.  I just don’t post to post.  Anyways – let’s get on to the matter at hand, step 3!

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

OK, God as we understood him.  This is how you see your god, your higher power – for it says as we understood him.  Some people pray to nature, some people pray to the sandals, robe and long hair god, some pray to the ancient roman gods – who ever it is, what ever form they take in our mind – you must be willing to trust them.  You must be willing to hand things over and for most, including myself, this can be easier said than done.  As I have said before, things that are worth doing, things that are the right thing to do, things that we know better about all along – they are never easy.  If it were easy we might not be where we are right now, I know that’s what I did.  I took the path of disrepair and  negativity cause it was easier to give up than fight.   It was easier to hold on to my anger and resentment.  It gave me an excuse to feel like crap.  I gave myself permission to accept all the bad stuff in my life and blame others.  Was his drinking my fault, no.  Was the way I let it into my head my fault, yes.  I am not here to fix my addict, I am here because of him.  Am I here to learn how to fix him, no.  I am here to learn the tools needed to carry on my life that has been effected by alcohol. God, the Father watches us all everywhere.

I had to first admit to the problem at hand, I then had to believe that I could be restored, now I have to believe that I can not to this without help.  Lord knows sitting at home alone with my negative thoughts and actions got me no where for over 5 years, I can give this a try!  I have to tell myself all the time to let go, but as much as I try – I still hold on to the smallest of thread holding that problem to me.

After my meeting last night I was talking to a new comer to our group who is having a hard time, I gave her a bunch of hugs and a few words of comfort.  I told  her that I was where she is right now all but a few months back.  I passed on the Lego that I had been given my first night in Al-Anon.  It came with a story talking o letting go and using the Lego to help to remember to do so.  I thought that she might get some use from it as I had when I first found the program.

Lego bricks

  If no one has told you they love you today, I love you and God does too!

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