Tag Archive: thoughts in my head


Circle of friends…

A few Sunday’s ago I was invited to the closed Sunday night AA meeting by a few members to see a friend get his Chip.  13 year sober birthday, I was honored to be invited.  They got a chocolate cake that I could not eat, but that’s OK – it’s what he wanted for a cake.  We had to move our meeting outside due to the regular room being full of items and no one had a key to the other room.  So we grabbed some chairs and made a big circle outside, it was a beautiful cool night in southern Arizona.  We did have to compete with the trains going by, but that was OK too.  Added a bit of atmosphere to the meeting.

Sitting there in the circle with friends, my husband, a new comer – it was just amazing.  Some of us cried, all of us laughed.  It was a night full of stories, prayers, hopes, dreams, fears – It was just amazing all the way around.  I liked sitting in a circle – being able to see everyone as we shared was just so special.

I am so very thankful for the meetings that they open up for me.  I always feel welcomed and they all say how glad they are that I came.  They know that support is a needed part of anyone’s sobriety.  I have tried to make sure Hubby knows I support him.  Now that it is getting cooler at night it might be getting closer to when we can go to the bonfire meetings that they have out here in the desert.  A meeting around a fire with a potluck – oh I am so there.  It was too hot in the summer time even at night to even think about a campfire.

I must apologize for my lengthy time between posts lately.  My life has been crazy, the amount of time I can take to take care of myself is less that I would like.  I consider this something I do for myself.  I get to unleash all the thoughts in my head and get them out of the way.

 

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Coffee and Prayers…

Coffee
Image by @Doug88888 via Flickr

Some mornings I am lucky enough to have my sweet hubby make a cup of coffee for me for my ride into work.  Other morning there is not enough time or we both forget, on these mornings I have to make my coffee when I get to work.  So while I make my coffee I take that time to talk to my higher power.  I ask questions, I get things off my chest or just voice some concerns.  Now I don’t say these things out loud cause well I might be deemed the crazy lady who talks to her coffee.  But I do have the thoughts in my head and picture the stress or anxiety leaving my body.  I take the problems that I can not handle alone and I pray for help.

“To Pray is to ask the questions, meditation is to hear the answers.”

I pray every morning and meditate every night. Not only do I get help with what I was praying for, but it also relaxes me to be able to fall asleep.  I have bad insomnia and spent most nights watching the ceiling fan go around.  Part of it is from the headaches, the pain never really goes away.  The other part is not being able to shut my brain off.  I get a song stuck in my head, an issue that has come up that day or week or just what I want to make for dinner the next day.  What ever the thought is, I just can not shut it off!  So sleep for me sometimes is just something I know nothing about.

So for me my morning coffee is very important, it wakes me up and gives me time to pause and talk to my higher power.  I have a friend who writes “coffee with god” on FaceBook, I start Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...every morning with reading it.  Usually while drinking my coffee.  His words are kind and helpful, and some days it seems that what he is talking about is directly related to how I feel that day.  It’s nice to know that I am not alone, that people out there are going through or feeling the same things I am.  For some being alone is the most scariest thing.  For others all they want is to be alone.

I am one who is not found of being alone, I used to be one who was petrified of it.  I thought there was now way I could live alone, how could I go on without someone being right there all the time.  This summer I found out that I can very well live on my own.  Did I like it? NO!  did I survive? Yes!  Was it hard? You bet!  But I did it and so its not just the fear of being alone that is keeping me right where I am, its the love for him that keeps up together.  It’s a bond that runs deeper than just that of a husband and wife, we are truly connected again.  Its still hard, and we still make each other crazy.  But the ups are much higher now and much longer where the downs are much short and not so deep.

Don’t give up hope, if love is there and you have a good foundation – you can come out of this together.  We walked from the flames hand and hand, our bond and love stronger than ever.  Yes we had some chared edges and some scars.  But wounds heal, scars fade and together we will pull from each others strengths.  We have our recovery programs, we have each other, we have faith in a higher power, we let go and let god.

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